Once Upon a Dream
by nattieb
Summary: Hermione's life is slowly falling down around her so she decides to take some time and walk through past memories. A RHr fic with hints of HG. Please read and review!
1. When it all began we knew there'd be a

Once Upon a Dream

Prologue

_When this all began, we knew there'd be a price_

The tears ran silently down her cheek as she read the paper one more time- why was it so hard to concentrate and why was she crying? Yes, he had been distant but so had she. They both had so much on their plates with work, Harry's wedding, the Order and of course their family life. But was that really an excuse? The tears continued to fall and she still couldn't figure out why she couldn't stop crying. This was so frustrating- she just wanted to make it through _The Daily Prophet_ and then get ready for work; but her mind kept wandering back to distant memories again and again. She was reliving both the good and the bad of her life, and right now she didn't want to remember any of it because of the pain that they brought.

Five years? Had it really been that long? No it been longer if you counted the seven years of school and the two years after it had been fourteen years since they had met. Fourteen years that had brought triumph, heartache, love, frustration, but most of all friendship. What was her problem? She didn't have time for this she had to keep busy she had to keep busy in order to forget everything- to block out the pain. In all honesty she did not want to have the time to deal with her problems, because it would mean facing demons that she wasn't ready to face.

"Well, Hermione, maybe you should just make the time," said the voice inside her head "this is important."

"I know," she sighed aloud "but if I think about it now then I won't stop crying."

"You know that this is the cause of your crying and that if you ever want to stop you need to stop and take stock of your life"

"Great" she said "All I need to be doing is arguing with myself right now- that's all they need to prove that I really am mental."

She begin to pace the floor trying to control the tears that would not stop, "Fine" she said "but if I am going to do this I am going to do it properly."

Knowing that it was best if she did not go to work in the state she was currently in she sent off a short note by owl letting her department know that she would not been in today. Then she sat down on the couch and picked up the album that was lying on the coffee table. She opened it to revel her 11 year old self standing between her two best friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

Yes she thought it was strange that the three of them had remained friends for so long but they had been through so much together that it literally had bonded them one to another. As she flipped through the pages of photos from her first year she at first thought "Were we ever that small? And look at my hair all long and curly. Ugh! The pain that used to cause me- thank heavens for hair styling products and a decent stylist that could do something with that mop." she thought as she ran her hands through her now shortened hair.

Her memory began to walk her through the Hogwarts year's one after another and the years after and she knew that today was going to be the day that she finally dealt with her life.


	2. Once Upon a Dream, We were lost in Love’...

**Okay I forgot to put this on the prologue but this is a Ron and Hermione fic, it is my first fan fic so advice and comments are welcomed. The chapter titles are lines from the song _Once Upon a Dream_ from the musicall Jekyll and Hyde (see it if you ever have a chance the music is brilliant). **

**Special thanks to my beta Leeanne who has helped a ton with this story and to KamiK, thanks for believing in me and making me show you what I was writing.**

**Disclaimer: Yes I do understand reality, I am not JK Rowling and never will be, these wonderful characters are not mine and they will never be. I also don't own the song _Once Upon a Dream_ that is owned by Nan Kingston who is a brilliant lyricist. **

Chapter 1:_ Once Upon a Dream, We were lost in Love's embrace there we found a perfect place once upon a dream...._

Her memories now assaulted her with full force, the first train ride, the first Halloween, the search for the Sorcerer's Stone, the basilisk the second year, the events of the third year finally bringing out the truth about the Potter's death and Peter Pettigrew, the tri-wizard tournament, Victor, Cedric's death, the return of Voldemort, the Order, that horrible night down in the Department of Mysteries- that had been the first night she had ever thought it was possible for her to die, then 6th year- that had held its moments with the news Voldemort was back every witch and wizard in the country was ready for the end to come at any time. She thought of all that as she flipped the pages and found a picture of her and Harry from the 6th year she stared at her 16 year old self and started to laugh this was the year she and Harry had 'dated'- Okay so it was one date but that one date had been a disaster...

_They were making their way back to the common room and she knew that this had all been a mistake it was not going to work and now she only hoped that she could still save their friendship. Before they entered the portrait hall Harry turned and stopped her-_

"_Hermione you know you're really great and all but..." his voice began to trail off._

"_I know Harry I feel the same way" she responded quickly_

_Relief flooded Harry's face and then, taking her by surprise he stuck out his pinky finger. In a deep solemn voice he said, "Swear to me Hermione Jane Granger in the most solemn vow that we will always remain friends."_

"_Best friends," she added giggling, "no more, no less." with that said she grabbed his pinky with her own sealing the vow._

_As they entered the portrait hole Harry leaned over to her and whispered in her ear "but you know Ron, now I could see some fireworks there." _

_She blushed at his name _(When had been the last time she had blushed at the thought of Ron she wondered?)_ then slugging Harry on the arm she said, "Harry that is one man that you will never have to worry about." _

"_Just looking out for you Hermione." he said _

'_Thanks Harry." and she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek._

"_I will always be here, looking out for you."_

And he always had been. Yes both Ron and Harry were her best friends and Ginny was the only girl she felt she could to turn to but Harry had become like the brother she had always wanted but never had and she knew that he felt the same way about her.

Harry! She thought she could go and talk to him, he would know what to do, he would know how to fix it all. With a rush of joy she ran to the fire place, when reality set in. "I just cant right now," she thought, "he can't be burdened with all of this not with the wedding a few days away." Poor boy had enough to worry about without trying to solve her problems.

"Oh Harry I have messed things up so badly this time," she said aloud looking back at the picture "and for once I don't know how to fix it, this one time I don't have the answer."

She turned the page feeling her tears returning when she saw a picture of Ron in full Quidditch gear. She reached her fingers toward the picture and touched his face. "Oh Ron," she said, "Why?"

"Why what?" she thought. "Why didn't we see it sooner? Why did we waste all that time? Why are we doing this to each other?"

Looking back on her Hogwarts years she understood what the little things had meant between them. The fights, the small exchanges with one another. He had always been her friend, he was the one that urged her on making her do better and she had wanted to make him proud. Did she still? When was the last time he had even taken interest in her work or egged her on to finish her research? Then again on the flip side what had she done to support him? It's a two way street she told herself.

Turning to the next page she started to laugh again- it felt good to laugh, she hadn't done it in so long. The picture was one of her, Harry and Ron in the midst of the entire Weasley family. They had all come for graduation day at Hogwarts...

_Though the wizarding world was at war there were still some bright moments few that was true but today was going to be one of the best, she knew it. It was today that they were finally graduating from Hogwarts and tomorrow Harry, Ron and she were going to be fully inducted into the Order. Today was for them, their last as children she reflected. Tomorrow and Voldemort would have to wait one more day.. _

_She was sitting under "their tree" by the lake waiting for the boys to arrive. They had arrived together and Harry started to tell her how Ron had just managed to get away from a 3rd year that had developed quite a crush on him and had been following him around like a puppy dog. She and Harry teased him endlessly about this but as they sat laughing and joking she began to feel a deep sorrow inside. This was it- it was over. Gone were the days that they could come back to the safety and protection of this school, her experience here had changed her life and like that, it was over. _

_She looked at her two best friends and began to cry- she knew that they weren't leaving her and that they would still see each other constantly, but it just wouldn't be the same. Things were going to change and she had the sinking feeling she was the one going to be left behind. _

_Ron was the first that had noticed she was crying, she had learned to control her emotions over the years and he had known that her crying was not a good sign. He then moved over and hugged her with Harry soon joining in. The three of them sat there for a minute tears falling down all three cheeks as they thought about the changes about to take place in their lives. It was then that they realized the special bond that they had- they had survived so much over the past years: death, love, heartbreak, trolls, Ron's idiotic comments, Harry's moodiness and her bossy know it all attitude- and they had remained friends. _

_The three of them had sat there and knew that no matter what this bond would continue and nothing would ever be able to break that friendship._

She looked down at the picture one more time and offered a quick prayer of thanks for these two men in her life. They were her everything and she knew she would have never made it without them.

The next two years had gone by quickly living in virtual hiding as they worked with the order, they were fighting a losing war and the weight of knowing that it would only end after your best friend either killed or was killed really had weighed on her. On top of all this she had started to develop feelings for Ron and was trying, very successfully, she thought to hide them.

Together the three of them had devised plan after plan only to have them shot down by members of the order. The plans were thought to be too dangerous and too risky. They all knew that the end was approaching they couldn't stay in hiding forever but no one seemed to think the time was right. Till the night they had decided to take matters into their own hands, this was the night that had changed her life forever....

_She couldn't breathe. Someone's hand was covering her mouth and saying her name in her ear-_

'_Mione, wake up.' There was only one person that called her that she thought as she forced herself awake. She looked up at Ron and then down at his hand "Sorry," he said sheepishly as her removed his hand "we didn't want you to scream."_

"_What are you two doing in here?" she whispered_

"_I'm going tonight Hermione," Harry said his gaze falling to the floor "I have to end this once and for all. Ron and I just wanted to say goodbye before we left."_

"_I'm going with you," she stated jumping out bed and heading towards the dressing screen in the room. "You know you will both need me it is going to take all three of us and..."_

"_No Mione," Ron interjected "You need to stay here, I don't want to see you hurt and I know that Harry doesn't want to see it either, Mione we just want to see you safe."_

_She walked from behind the dressing screen now full clothed and ready to go, pulling her hair back into a pony tail she said "I'm going, you know you are going to need me." Ron had started to protest again but she quickly cut him off ._

"_Boys, I am flattered that you want me safe but this will take all three of us. Plus Ron, I don't want your mum yelling at me tomorrow when she finds out you and Harry are gone."_

"_Mione we have talked about this and we can do it on our own. You've taught us everything that we need to know and then some. We aren't letting you come." Ron stated his voice starting to rise. _

_She walked over to him "You really are sweet sometimes, you know that right?" and she kissed him on the cheek, "but I am still coming."_

"_Mione-"_

"_No Ron," it was Harry this time that cut him off ,"she is right... she needs to come."_

_Ron looked at Harry as if he had just committed and unforgivable curse. "Come on," Harry continued "We are wasting time, lets go." Harry began to make for the door but then turned around and added "but Hermione one scent, one inkling of mortal danger for you and you are to apparate to the Three Broomsticks- are we clear on that?_

"_Yes Harry." she said fully intending on not keeping that promise._

_They then hurried out of her room and made their way outside where they apparated to the Burrow._

_Since all the Weasley's were at the Order's Head Quarters, the Burrow was the safest place to meet and discuss everything. No one could apperate there unless they were a member of the Order. The three of them had just arrived and were beginning to discuss the finer points of the plan when they heard a voice from the shadows- _

"_There you three are. I thought you had decided to go strait to Hogsmede and that I would have to find you there."_

"_Ginny," Harry exclaimed pulling her from the corner she had been hiding in "You are not supposed to be here." _

"_Why not? You let Hermione come." she replied._

"_How did you know we were coming anyway?" Harry asked_

"_Well you two," her head indicating to Harry and Ron "made quite the scene in Hermione's bedroom earlier how was the girl sleeping next door not supposed to wake up?" Ginny giggled but then quickly turned somber "Do you really think that I would let my two best friends and my brother go off and fight with out me? If anything happened to any of you three and I wasn't there to at least help..." her voice began to trail off as tears began to fill her eyes._

"_It's okay Gin," Hermione said pulling her into a hug "I'm glad you are here." _

_Ron and Harry didn't look like they felt the same way but the girls were here and there was not much they could do to stop them now. They had been together for so long now, the four of them, that they worked together as a team reading each others thoughts, anticipating each others actions- yes this is how it needed to be as hard as it was, there was no other way. _

_They sat up until early in the morning planning and strategizing before heading upstairs for a quick and needed rest. When they reached the spare room, where she would be staying for the night, Harry and Ginny hugged her and then went on towards Ginny's bedroom. As she watched them go she wondered if tonight would be the night that Harry told Ginny everything? How he felt about her, his hopes and dreams for the future. She watched them go not failing to notice the man who still was standing beside her. Slowly he slipped his arm around her shoulder drawing her closer in._

"_Why Ron?" she whispered "Why couldn't we have had a normal childhood? Why couldn't we have just grown up and been friends and never have to worry about Voldemort taking over, our family and friends being tortured and killed?" her voice began to get shaky, "Not having to worry about your best friend dying" she choked out before breaking into a full sob. _

_Ron just brought her to his chest and let her cry. After several minutes she just looked at him again "Why Ron? Why do we have to go through this? Why can't we just be us not having to check around every corner and every alley to make sure a death eater is not there to kill us? Why does Harry have to worry about telling Ginny how he feels? Ron I just want to know, I just want this all to be over and for all of us to be happy again."_

"_Mione, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did, but I don't. I don't know why it couldn't be different- I can't even tell you if we are going to succeed today, but I can tell you one thing." he hesitated for a moment here "I know why Harry hasn't told Gin how he feels yet. He is afraid- afraid that he will lose her. Afraid that if he tells her how he really feels and he dies she won't be able to go on. It is just easier to leave it at friends right now and then see what happens. Then if something does go wrong tonight it...." his voice trailed off not realizing he had been speaking with so much passion and conviction he began to blush slightly._

_She rounded on him, "Well what about her feelings? Have you thought of those. If anything does happen tonight couldn't she find some solace in what she did have? She wouldn't have to worry about what might have been had she told him and she could be able to find comfort in that he had cared for her and that she might be able to cope with this all a little better." her own voice now rising._

"_Mione"_

"_No Ron, she has a right to know, she has a right to know in case anything happens she needs that-"_

"_No she doesn't. Dammit woman! He is just trying to keep her safe. If Voldemort knew how Harry really felt about her it would be used against him and her. He is trying to protect her like I am trying to protect you!" he hadn't even realized what he had said until he saw the look of shock on her face. _

"_Bloody hell, Hermione, I'm sorry I was just, you know.."_

_She stopped him "No Ron tell me. What did you mean 'you're trying to protect me?' It is the second time tonight that you have said that. Why me? Why not me and Ginny? Why not Harry? Why are you trying to protect me?" she said he voice sounding very small_

"_Never mind it is not important. Go to bed now, I will see you in a few hours." he said turning to continue up the staircase to his room._

"_Dammit, Ronald Weasley, you turn around right now and tell me what in the hell you are talking about." _

_Ron knew from her tone and her word selection that he was in trouble. She never cursed, rarely let anyone see that she was not in control of her emotions and here on what could be their last night together he had made her mad. _

'_Mione' he said exacerbated._

"_Don't you Mione me right now Ronald. That is not going to help you at all. You either tell me what you meant or I'll..." but he never got to find out what she would do. He'd walked over to her in two steps and without hesitating pulled her into a kiss._

_At first she didn't know what to do or think. She just stood there as the shock set in. She was kissing her best friend, her friend that she had tried to bury all feelings for knowing that it would never happen, but it was. He drew away staring at her with regret and disappointment. Then it hit her, she hadn't kissed him back, she had been in shock that she hadn't responded to him. _

"_Well, um, goodnight then Hermione." Ron whispered. As he began to turn away she grabbed him and kissed him again. As they broke apart he looked at her as if waiting, no, willing her to say something._

"_Ron, I, I, I ...." she said trailing off _

"_Oh Mione," he said drawing her into him again "I didn't want to tell you, I don't want to see you hurt any more than is necessary. You didn't, no, you shouldn't have found out this way. _

"_Found out what Ron? So far you haven't told me anything." she said looking up at him. _

"_Please don't make this any harder then it already is, let's just..."_

_She cut him off "Let's just what Ron? Worry about it after? Well wake up. There may not be an after there might not even be a tomorrow- this might be it." _

"_And if it isn't?" he asked _

"_Then we will worry about it then but for the first time in years you have finally gotten a clue and now you want to forget it? Maybe you can Ron but I can't so here it goes. I may live to regret this, and Merlin knows I hope I do but I love you Ron Weasley. I have for a long time now, if this really is my last night I just want you to know that." She turned around and opened the door to her room praying that he would stop her. She felt a hand on her shoulder willing her to stay._

"_Do you mean it?" he asked softly_

"_Yes, every word." she said still not turning around but hoping he would say something. _

"_Mione please don't go. I love you, I always have, well maybe not as much as I do right now," he said with a grin "it has come on so gradually that I think I was up to my knees when I realized. I love you Hermione Granger, no matter what happens you need to know and understand that. With this said he turned her around and kissed her again, together they broke down the last walls of resistance and fear._

"_Ron," she said moving away, "Will you just stay and hold me tonight? I need you, I need you to be there when I wake up, I just want you to hold me please."_

_He took her hand and led her into the room and shutting the door behind them._


	3. Once there was a time like no other time...

**Hello everyone. Again thanks to my wonderful beta who helped a lot on this chapter. And to Adam, Britt, Kami and Wendy thanks for all you do to keep me sane and for not mocking me in this attempt. Also please review everyone, I would like to know what you think.**

**Disclaimer- I still do not own anyone of these characters. Blast! Maybe someday right? (well a girl can dream)**

Chapter 2:_ Once there was a time like no other time before- hope was still an open door once upon a dream._

She did not like to remember that next day; the images of the battle never seemed to leave her. They still haunted her dreams even five years later. "We won," she kept telling herself, "Harry beat him, Ron saved me and Ginny." She remembered how she had woken up at Grimwald Place a few days later; Ron was asleep in the chair next to her. She had sat and watched him- he had been willing to give everything for her, he almost had. She had promised herself at that time that she would spend the rest of her life showing him how much he meant to her. What had gone wrong? They had been so happy once, they completed one another, yes there were the occasional fights still but that was part of them. Fighting was second nature to them, they had always done it and in some way it was how they showed their affection towards each other. They could never give that up you might have well asked them to stop being...well...them.

There had been no fight this time though. They had just stopped talking; silence prevailed in their home now. The home that had once been filled with warmth and love was now seemed empty. What scared her was the change had been so gradual she hadn't even noticed until it was complete. "Why?" she thought again as she turned the page in the album- showing the next set of pictures. They had been taken at the Weasley Family BBQ. There was a picture in the corner of her and Ron curled under a tree, Ron's back against it and her head on his lap. That had been a wonderful day she remembered..

The two of them had never discussed what happened the night before the last battle. In most respects, their lives had gone back to how they were before; they stole glances at one another and when their hands occasionally brushed against one another they would move away quickly, blushing. They only thing that had changed was that Ron would slip into her room to make sure she was okay as she slept and to comfort her after the recurring nightmares. At night it had been easier not to pretend, not to hide the feelings; during the day though pretending became second nature.

The day of the Weasley Family Party was the day the pretending had ended.

_Ron and Harry had been outside decorating while she and Ginny were taking care of the inside cleaning. She watched the boys out of the kitchen window as they charmed lights onto the trees and set impervious charms to keep the gnomes from disrupting the festivities all the while smiling to her. She watched them out the window smiling to herself. Things were alright now and the four of them were okay. Harry had started to spend just a little more time with Ginny and things were slowly progressing. She and Ron were not where she wanted them to be in their relationship, but the commitment they had to one another had deepened in the last few months and she valued his friendship more than anything. _

"_Something on your mind Ms. Granger?" Ginny asked from behind her "Or is it someone? Hmm?" Ginny had come into the room while she had been watching out the window, feeling slightly embarrassed she said,_

"_It's nothing Gin, just thinking how great it is to finally be free of Voldemort. We are all together now. I don't think I have felt this peaceful since before I met those two." She said moving her head towards the boys outside._

"_Yeah, it is nice isn't," Ginny replied "but enough chatter we have a ton of work to do still and if this house is not clean from top to bottom by the time Mum gets home we are in for it." With that Ginny made her way toward the living room. _

_She marveled at how much Ginny sounded like her mother more and more everyday. She resumed her efforts in the kitchen, after a while she heard Ginny calling her-_

"_Hermione, can you come in the living room for a minute please? I need your help with this." _

_She made her way into the living room looking at Ginny questioningly as she walked to where her friend was standing, "Hermione, there is a boggart in the bureau and I don't want to bother the boys with taking care of it." she had started to protest but was cut off "I know that you hate them but you are so much better at getting rid of them then I am, so can you please take care of it for me?" Ginny asked her eyes pleading for assistance. _

_She had hesitated for a moment and then realizing that this was a losing battle sighing she said, "Okay Gin, just this once, but while I am doing this can you go start on that salad I promised your mum I would make? Just peel the potatoes I will be there in a minute."_

_Ginny left leaving her alone in the room with only a boggart as company. Now she was nervous, ever since Professor Lupin had introduced boggarts to them their third year these had been her down fall. She could handle them much better than her 13 year old self could but there was still something about facing your worst fear, especially when you tried so hard not to let anyone see that there was any fear in you at all. She had learned at a young age that to appear in control meant that you had to control your emotions. Nobody could ever see them. No one could hear you admit defeat and you could never admit it to yourself, if you did you had failed; and failure wasn't an option. Unfortunately this reasoning did not work with a boggart, they saw past the facade she had herself and that was why they scared her so much. They showed her exactly where she was weak._

_Wand in hand she muttered the spell to open the bureau and waited for the boggart to come out. She was preparing herself to face Voldemort or even one of the Malfoys ready to kill her and her friends but what came out of the closet shocked her- it was Ron._

_She stared, why did she fear him? He was her best friend; he loved her and would never let anything happen to her. She was confused and puzzled and as she went towards him she heard him say,_

"_I hate you."_

_These words stopped her in her tracks. She looked at him confused._

"_I hate everything about you," he hissed "You are a prissy know-it-all that we only kept around because we felt sorry for you. Yes we used you Hermione, both Harry and I. It has been so easy to sit and watch you do the work for the both of us we knew that we would need you to defeat Voldemort. Well guess what, we don't need you anymore. Voldemort is gone; Harry doesn't need the bookworm around anymore."_

_She turned on him and before she realized it had slap Ron across the face. _

"_Honestly Ron could you be any more pathetic?" she questioned "Do you really expect me to believe that? Do you honestly think that after nine years I don't know you? I know that my Ron would never do that would never say anything like that. He is one of my most loyal friends and he wouldn't hurt me for anything." _

"_If I were you Miss Granger, I would learn to keep my mouth shut!" and with that he smacked her. She was in shock, Ron had never laid a hand on her, he wouldn't treat anyone like that, especially her. In her mind she knew that this wasn't Ron standing in front of her she kept trying to tell her self it was just a boggart that a simple spell would take care of it, but she just couldn't make her self truly believe it. It was this fear that the boggart fed on, this is what fueled it to keep going. _

"_You are really weak you know that? You try to hide the fact but we knew, Harry and I have known all along. You know that you are nothing, we never wanted you. The only reason we rescued you from the troll that night was because neither one of us wanted to get kicked out of school. I meant what I said that day you still don't have any friends because you are a no good mudblood Granger."_

_During this tirade she had started to back away from Ron and move towards the wall, her wand hand slowly dropped and her fingers unclasped letting her wand slip silently to the floor. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and she tried to speak, _

"_No Ron, don't, please just stop just stop now."_

"_I never loved you." He replied to her "I only told you that because I thought it might be fun to mess with you. Who could love a know-it-all freak mudblood? You were always a good one for a laugh, Hermione. Why couldn't you have died when Malfoy had you? Why couldn't have Voldemort have taken care of you himself? You know Harry and I wanted you to die, then so why can't you just die now?" he spat raising his wand to her chest._

_By now she had dropped to her knees and was sobbing "No Ron, please don't. Stop saying these things, stop talking, I don't want to hear anymore."_

_Her sobs had brought Ginny, Ron and Harry rushing into the room wondering what was wrong. They had arrived to hear the end of the boggart's speech but were all too dumbfounded to do anything immediately. It was Harry who finally reacted and jumped in front of the boggart drawing its attention away from her and made quick work of dispatching him. _

_She had brought her knees to her chest and slowly rocked back and forth sobbing; Ron had moved towards her but the moment that she saw him she shattered. Taken a back he looked at Ginny, she just shrugged and encouraged him to try again. Ron got down on his knees next to her and began to talk in the most soothing manner he could muster. _

"_Mione, ssh it's okay, nothing is going to hurt you here. It's me Mione; it's all going to be okay now I am really here. Have I ever let anything hurt you at all?" she seemed to be calming a little but the tears were still flowing and sobs still racked her body. Placing his hands on her shoulder he pulled her to him. "Mione, please calm down. It is killing me to see you like this. You are going to be okay; it was just a boggart, whatever it told you wasn't true. You know that I would never want you to die, what would I do without you, how could I go on? You push me you know, you push me so I do better- why without you here I would probably end up working at Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes or worse with Percy." he said with mock horror in his voice._

_A small smile escaped her lips as she felt her self calm down, this was her Ron. She relaxed against him now, no longer resisting his touch. _

"_Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked and she quickly shook her head in a definite no. _

"_Hermione," Ginny pleaded, hating to see her friend in so much pain "Please tell us. All we saw was Ron standing over you wishing you to die and..." With Ginny's reminder she felt her body began to tense again. Ron looked at Ginny as if to say- not another word or I will kill you. _

"_Ron, Harry can you give us a minute, I just want to talk to Hermione for one second. We won't be long." _

_She saw the boys look at each other and nod, they probably thought that Ginny was right, but Ginny wasn't the one she wanted to talk to, she wanted to talk to Ron. He squeezed her shoulders as he stood up to follow Harry. Trembling she reached for his hand "No Ron, don't go, please don't leave me."_

_Ron was immediately at her side again taking her in his arms and stroking her hair as she cried. _

"_Never. I would never leave you. You know that right?" Still seeing the tears in her eyes he asked her again, "What did it say to you?" _

_She bit her lip still refusing to answer, "Mione please," he begged, "this is killing me, please love tell me?" _

_She finally was able to talk through her tears, "You said that you hated me, that you and Harry had felt sorry for me and had only kept me around to do the work for you." _

"_Mione, that is not true, you know that. The two of us love you more than anything in the world." he told her looking over to Harry for his agreement._

"_You also said that you wish I had died that night and..." she had paused here and looked up at him "you didn't love me. You said you only told me that because you wanted to mess with me, that I was good for a laugh and that no one could ever love a know it all freak mudblood." she said collapsing in his arms again, just wanting to be protected from the horrors that she had just experienced._

_Ron held her while Harry and Ginny, knowing where they were not wanted stood up and headed towards the door. Looking the two of them Ron had nodded indicating that he was okay and could handle the situation from here. As soon as they were gone Ron spoke again. _

"_Mione, I want you to look at me." he said, she glanced up her tear stained eyes barely recognizing what she saw in his face. "You are the brightest, loveliest, kindness girl I have ever known. You have gotten Harry and me through so much - we probably would have died our first year in school if you hadn't been there. You have always been my hero and friend Hermione." He stopped and shifted her so she faced him. "I love you, I always have. When you never said anything after the battle I figured you really did regret what we had said to one another that night and that you just wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I will never leave you- you are my world Hermione Granger, I could never hurt you like that." and leaning in he kissed her._

The memory still brought tears to her eyes, now it felt that her worst fears from that day really were coming true. He was leaving her, oh not in the physical sense of course, he still came home every night and they still slept in the same bed, but he had left her emotionally and she had left him. The closeness they had shared even a year before was gone now. They were moving farther and farther apart, when before their fights had been quite vocal they were now fighting a silent war in which she knew there would be no winner. She looked at the two twenty year olds in the picture and yearned for the comfort and peace that they had. Two months after that day they had become engaged she had laughed bitterly at the memory- they thought they could conquer the world and in many respects they already had. She turned the page trying to forget the hurt but her eyes immediately misted over again when she saw the next photo-

_The day was going to be beautiful, she thought looking around her room, from the closet she could see the white dress robes hanging all pressed and ready for her to put on. She rolled over and looked at the clock 6:30 a.m., the house was already bustling. She could hear Molly downstairs yelling at the twins about something. They were a handful those two but she loved them. They had told her last night had Ron never come to his senses and marry her they had planned to 'take matters into their own hands'. Though the possibility of what the twins could have done frightened her, she loved them all the more for it, this was a sign they accepted her. This was her family in every sense of the word. She was going to be more than an in-law to these people she was going to be a Weasley. She remembered Molly saying that she had always been one of them, now it would just be legal. _

_After today she was going to have a real family. Ever since her parents had died in the last muggle attacks in London she had ached to have a family again. She wanted everything that the Weasleys had the love that existed in the family never ceased to amaze her. They all cared for one another, they were always there to stand up for one another, she wanted that with Ron. She wanted a half a dozen kids, a cozy house that was only held together by magic, she wanted to make sure that love was in every corner of that home. She knew she could do it, this is what she had always wanted and she was willing to give everything for it. _

_Realizing that she would not have much time to herself later today, she decided to slip out and take a walk before anyone could miss her. Quickly changing she apparated outside and lost herself in the splendor of the morning._

"_Want to tell me where you are?" a voice near her said making her jump,_

_She smiled and turned around, "Harry, you scared me. I had no idea that you were up this early too?"_

"_Well Ron couldn't sleep last night, kept jumping up and pacing repeating his vows over and over again." he chuckled at the memory "So rather than listening to him drown on and on about you, I decided it would be better for both of us to escape for a while. Hermione, I do believe the stupid git loves you, you know." _

"_I do know Harry," she said beginning to walk again "I love him too. This is going to be good it is going to work, I know that we still probably won't go a day without fighting about something but hey that's us right. We wouldn't know what to do if there wasn't something to disagree over. Plus making up does have its advantages now." _

_Harry laughed at this "Hermione, that is my best friend you are talking about, I really don't want to hear it." They continued walking in a companionable silence just enjoying one another company. After a few minutes Harry broke the silence, "You know how I told you a few years ago that I would always be watching out for you?" she nodded smiling at the memory "Well I meant it, look if Ron hurts you in anyway you just let me know and I promise to pound his bloody..." _

"_Language Harry," she laughed grabbing his hand "anyway you know that is not going to happen, if anything it will be me pounding him into next week. I do have a nasty right hook you know."_

"_Don't worry, I remember- I just want you to know that no matter what I am still always here for you watching out over you."_

"_Thank you Harry," she said stopping and kissing him on the cheek. "So you want to tell me what is going on with you and Ginny?" he reddened at her name_

"_Uh, nothing," he said a little too quickly._

"_Oh Harry, you know that she is the only one for you. I swear you are more thick headed than Ron sometimes, and that is saying a lot."_

"_Hey I heard that," said a voice from behind her "and now you are going to pay." Before she could turn around Ron had picked her up and swung her over his shoulder. _

_Turning to Harry he said, "Morning to you mate, just going to take a little walk with my girl."_

"_Ronald Weasley! You put me down right now do you hear me?" she laughed pounding his back with her fists. Don't make me scream for your mother."_

"_A little help here Harry?" Ron asked laughing _

"_Nope she is yours now Ron, I wash my hands completely of her. No more having to get her out of jams- what will I do with all the extra free time I will have?" Harry mocked._

"_Why you little traitor!" she cried "Let me at him Ron, I am going to get him for that comment, he is going to rue the day he made fun of me" _

"_Mione," Ron started "You can't kill my best man, at least not before the ceremony. Do you think you can wait just a few more hours love?" he asked setting her down and kissing her on the forehead._

"_I don't want to kill him Ron, I just want to make sure he know that he can't ever mess with Hermione Granger, no, Hermione Granger-Weasley, no that doesn't work either, Hermione Weasley, yes that's it Hermione Weasley- and walk away unscathed." she finished._

_At this comment the boys were doubled over in laughter, Harry was laughing so hard that he could barely stand up "Now I am really glad she is yours Ron, I don't know if I would be able to deal with her when she is like this."_

"_Harry James Potter, you are asking for it." she said pulling out her wand ready to hex him into next Tuesday._

_Ron, still laughing, grabbed her around the waist and said "Harry I would run if I were you mate, I don't know how long I can hold her back."_

_Harry began to run but yelled back "Don't be gone to long guys, Molly would freak if she knew you were together this morning, I will do my best to keep her occupied though." and with that he dashed off back down the road._

"_Why that little git, running away from me. I am going to get him Ron, and where do you get off on stopping me? He was being a total prat and with all his 'I am glad she is your problem now Ron' of all the low down..."_

_Before she could finish Ron pulled her into a kiss and she became lost in thought._ _When they broke apart several minutes later he asked her with a grin "Still mad at Harry?"_

"_Harry who?" she grinned back, and taking his hand they began to walk silently down the path together. _

"_Ron," she asked breaking the comfortable silence "do you feel like you are stuck with me like Harry said? Because I don't want you to feel that at all, if this is not something that you want we can call it off, it is not to late we can wait another six months a year and see how things go, I just want you to be happy and I don't want to be a burden and..."_

"_Mione you are rambling, you might want to take a breath sometime." he said cutting her off, "Good- listen you are not a burden, you are not my problem and I am definitely not stuck with you. Understand I want to marry you today; I have been waiting for the past six months for this day to come, no wait I have been waiting for the past ten years for this day to come. It is finally here and I am planning on marrying you this afternoon and would like it if you were there too."_

_He smiled down at her moving the hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear. Her hands wrapped around his waist she asked him "Are you sure? Are you really sure that you want to do this today?"_

"_With all my heart" was his response as he leaned in and kissed her again. Leaving no room for doubt in her mind of the sincerity of the statement. _

"_Good" she said when they broke apart "because I want this more than anything in the world, you are my everything Ron Weasley and you always will be, no matter what happens." She kissed him again then grabbed his hand and walked back down the lane towards the Burrow_. _"Now let's go get married" she said. _


	4. And I was unafraid the dream was so exci...

**Hello again everyone. Here is the next chapter, and I have to say that I think it is my favorite! Thank you for all those who have reviewd. It really meant alot. Again all the thanks in the world to my beta who has caught things, six other pairs of eyes have not. To the DB crew, you all know who you are. Thanks for taking care of me this week and making sure I am okay everyday. I really am finishing this story for all of you thanks for beliving in me and here is to be coming the next Anita Stansfield (ha ha!). So on to the story. **

**Disclaimer- Guess what? Nothing has changed from before, I still own nothing. Okay well the plot is mine but that really is all. **

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Chapter 3: _And I was unafraid the dream was so exciting but now I see it fade and I am here alone-_

That had been one of the happiest days in her life and the first few years of marriage had been hard but wonderful. There were still death eaters to be caught and constant threats to the wizarding world but they had been happy through it all. She missed it all so much, she missed them, the way they used to laugh about everything and the way that she would catch Ron just staring at her while she was reading and all the little things he did each day to show his love for her. It all hurt so much; she knew that it was her fault, really. It was time to admit it. She was the one that had caused the separation; she was the one driving him away. She just felt that it was easier this way, less pain for him. "Do you really believe that Hermione?" she thought "Do you really think this has been less painful for him now that you have pulled away." She let the thought sit for a while. What did it matter really? They both had made mistakes; they were both still hurting, still grieving...

No she didn't want to think about that yet. There were still more happy memories she knew there were, Bill's wedding, Charlie's wedding, the day the bought the house, the day she started work as the advisor on Muggle affairs to the Minister of Magic, the day that he had started work in the Department of Magical Sports and Games. Their lives had so many joyful moments always surrounded by friends and family it was the life she had dreamed about when she had first married Ron, but parts of the dream were never to come true...

_She was pacing back and forth in their living room; this was it she was going to tell him. She looked at the clock, two hours she had two hours until he got home. Two hours before he walked in the door and knew something was wrong. He always knew when there was something wrong. He knew she had been to see the healer today; he was the one that suggested that she go. She wasn't ready to hell him but no matter how hard she tried she could not keep this from him._

_The thought of telling him made the bile start to rise in her throat again, no she couldn't. How in the world can you tell someone something this important? Just stand in front of them and say "How was your day? I have some news that is going to change both our lives and would you like peas with dinner tonight?" There was just no easy way to tell him. How had her mother told her father? She wished her mother were here to answer that question. In the years since her mother's death she had wished countless times to talk to her once more. There were so many questions and concerns that she had and really wanted her mum's advice on. Molly had been wonderful since that horrible day and tried to fill the role that was now vacant in her life but it just wasn't the same. She wanted her mom._

_Elizabeth Granger had always been such a constant in her life. She had always made sure Hermione had been okay at school and was always aware of her daughters need to be a help to her friends during the war. She was sure her mother had missed her during the numerous summer vacations and holidays she had spent with the Weasley's and Harry, but she had never said anything. All she wanted was advice from her mother on how to handle this new situation. She was so concerned, so worried, this was all so new. Was she prepared to handle it? How she longed for her mom, wanted to feel her hands wrap around her and just hold her, stroke her hair as she did when she was a child and tell her that she was okay. _

_She went to the mantel and looked at the last picture she had of her parents. It had been of the three of them a few weeks the summer before her parents had died. Her parents had come for a visit to at Grimwald Place and they had gotten to spend a few days together. She cherished those days now she thought, those last days with them. She often regretted now that she never told them how much they meant to her during that time._

_A tapping noise broke her from her memories and she looked out to see an owl at the window. Opening the window and let the unfamiliar bird in and untied the letter attached to his leg. The hand writing was so familiar, whose was it? Opening the envelope she found both a letter and another envelope inside. Looking at the handwriting on the second envelope and saw her name, written in her mothers familiar script. Was this some type of cruel joke? Why would anyone do this to her? Who would be so heartless to taunt her like this? She picked up the letter attached and began to read;_

_**My dear Mrs. Weasley,**_

_**I know that this letter might come as a surprise to you, but I hope it is a welcome surprise none the less. As I am sure you remember a few weeks before their death your parents visited us at Grimwald Place. While they were there I was able to spend many delightful afternoons with them and found them to be the most charming, upright people, not unlike their daughter. We had many occasions to laugh as I told them of some of your exploits and antics during the school years. They were truly proud to call you their daughter. **_

_**The night before they left your mother handed me this letter. She told me she felt something might happen to her and your father, though she prayed it would not be so. If anything did happen she knew you would be taken care of by either the Weasley family or members of the order but she asked if I would hold this letter and send it to you when I felt that you need to hear from her. I took the letter from her that night and assured her I would wait for the right moment to give it to you. Because I knew that I would most likely not know when this letter would be of the greatest value to you, I placed a charm on the envelope that when there truly came a time that you needed your mother the envelope would glow and I would be able to send it off to you. **_

_**I have never read the letter nor do I have any reason to ask it contents. Just know that it was from her and she loved you with all your heart. If you ever need anything please feel free to call upon me. Though you have not been my student in several years now I still count you among one of the best I have ever taught and the years of working beside you in the Order has made you my friend. Please let me know if you need anything, though I am a poor substitute for your mother or even Molly, you are someone I care for deeply.**_

_**My kindest regards,**_

_**Minerva McGonagall.**_

_She read the letter twice before she fully grasped its meaning. Her mother had thought something might happen. Her mother had left a letter to be given to her in case anything happened. She sat and stared at the letter fingering the envelope but not wanting to open it. She wasn't afraid of what she would find inside but she was still in shock. Professor McGonagall had known the precise moment to send it, she had been wishing for her mother so badly early in the day that the letter was heaven sent. _

_Finally garnering the courage to open the second envelope she pulled out the contents. Tears began to stream down her face as she ran her hands over her mother's handwriting. It was all so familiar; it reminded her of when her mother had sent letters during the Hogwarts days or when ever she had been staying with the Weasleys. Looking down she began to read,_

_**My dearest, darlingness Hermione,**_

_**I don't know quite how to start a letter of this kind because if you are reading it, I have died. First off I just want to say how sorry I am love that I couldn't stay alive to be there with you. You know I would be if I could but life has had a different path for me. Please never think that this was your fault, your father and I could not have been more proud of you. We never wanted anything else for you from the moment we found out that you were a witch. You are destined for great things my daughter and I know you will accomplish them. Take the power you have been given and use it. With your heart I know that you can make the world such a better place. **_

_**Just some advice though- have fun in your life. You my dearest have the knack of taking life to seriously. Though there are times that you will need to be serious, there are also so many times requiring you to laugh at life. Go out and make mistakes, do not be afraid of failure- it is an essential part of living. We learn and grow from each mistake that we make. Please remember to have fun; it would hurt me so much to think that you were not. Your friends can help you with this; they are truly a wonderful group. Since we have been staying with you these last few days I have been able to spend sometime with each of them and I can see how they truly love you. They are each remarkable people and they think the world of you, stay close to them.**_

_**The Weasley's also care for you as their daughter; I have to admit that I have been very jealous of your relationship with Molly and Arthur over the past years. Please do not misunderstand me, they are wonderful people and I am so grateful they have watched over you the last few years. There were times however I felt that they meant more to you than we did. I understand now that this is not the case and I thank you for your bravery and courage in trying to help defeat a wicked man. **_

_**While we are on the subject of Weasley's there is one thing I do want to mention to you. Now you may not want to hear this but since I don't know when, if ever, you will read this letter but there is something I need to say. You need to know Ron worships and adores you. He may not have said anything yet but I can see it in his eyes and the way he acts when you are around. He brightens each time you enter a room, I know that he would do anything for you. I also know that you feel the same. Now don't deny it, I have seen you exhibit these same characteristics when he is around. Please if you haven't done so already- tell him. **_

_**Ron is a wonderful young man and I think the world of him. He needs to know the depth of your feelings because he is unsure of saying anything. I don't know maybe this is 'a man' thing; I had the same problem with your father. I know that you two would be happy together so please, for me, if you haven't just tell him how you feel. **_

_**Hermione, there is so much advice that I would give you if I could. I could fill pages and pages of paper telling you what I thought you needed to know. I wish I had the time to go back and document everything that I wanted you to know, about me, your father and yourself. Unfortunately this time has not been allotted to us and I can't sit and write like I would. It is times like this I wish I had kept a journal, just so you would have something to read and remember me by. If only we really lived in a world of wishing. **_

_**Since there is not time for me to tell you everything I just want you to remember these few things. I want you to have everything there is to have in this life. You can have any dream that you want just make sure you follow your heart and see where it will lead you. There is nothing you can't do my dear daughter just go forward and do not worry about failure. Make time in your life for love whether it be Ron (and I do truly hope it is) or someone else this will help you along your path in life. Lean on him and allow him to lean on you, share your burdens with one another and you will have so much love that you will be able to conquer anything. Finally never be afraid, never be afraid of anything you are better than fear, don't let it conquer you.**_

_**You have made your father and me so proud over the years as we have watched you grow from our baby to a beautiful woman. We love you so much and it pains me to even think about leaving you and who knows maybe I won't, maybe there will never be a reason for you to receive this letter and you will be there to take care of me in my old age and I will be able to see my grandchildren. For some reason though I feel the end is so near. **_

_**I know I have said this before but if you remember nothing else remember that your mother loves you and always will. I will always be with you, you are my daughter and my friend and what mother could truly ever leave her daughter?**_

_**I am finding now that it is too hard to say goodbye and every time I try I can't seem to find a real end. Since saying goodbye is so final, so I will not say it. I will give this to your Professor McGonagall, judging by your notes from school she knows you very well and should know the right time to give the letter to you.**_

_**There I go again trying to say goodbye and starting off on another tangent. So farewell my sweet daughter, follow your dreams and see where they will lead you.**_

_**Your mother and friend,**_

_**Elizabeth Jane Granger**_

_**PS- Don't hate me for this but I can't resist at least one more plead- tell Ron how you feel. I promise he will love you and take care of you more than anyone else that I know. - EJG**_

_She laughed at the letter's post script, which was so unlike her mother, repeating and repeating herself. Mum must have really liked him she thought. Well, I can understand why, she said to her self. After reading and rereading her mother's letter she felt at peace with the situation. True her mother hadn't said anything that applied to her current situation, but it gave her the hug she so wanted earlier._

_She smiled as she looked up at the clock again; she was amazed at how fast the time had gone by. Ron would be home in any minute and she no longer dreaded his homecoming. It was all going to be okay, she knew that now. Her mother had faith in her and always would. She ran upstairs and washed the tears off her face and touched up her make up. She was heading back downstairs when she heard Ron apparate into the home. _

"_Mione," he called "Mione where are you?"_

"_Right here" she said pulling him into a deep kiss _

"_What was that for, mind you I am not complaining, but bloody hell Hermione that was brilliant?"_

"_Language, Ronald" She smiled and walked into the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. _

"_Someone must have a good day." he remarked following her. _

"_Oh I really did Ron. I, well, I got a letter from my mum today."_

_Ron, who had been going through the rest of the post turned around at this comment "A letter, Mione how is that possible? Your mum has been gone for the past four years and there..."_

"_I know Ron," she said cutting him off "before she died remember how she and my father visited us at Headquarters?" he nodded so she continued "Well why she was there she felt that she was going to die soon. So she left a note in the care of Professor McGonagall to send to me at the time I would need my mother most. Read it Ron, she says quite a bit about you." _

_She sat next to him as he read both the letter from the Professor and then from her mother. She almost laughed at how red he turned when he read what his mother had to say about him. When he finished he just stared and looked at her and took her hand. "Wow, Mione, I mean wow. So McGonagall has really had this for the past four years?"_

"_Yeah, she must have. She was the one who sent it to me today."_

"_Why today though Mione? McGonagall said that she charmed the envelope so that she would know when it needed to be sent. Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah Ron, I am just fine. I did get some news today though that I really wished my mum had been here to hear."_

"_Mione, what's wrong? You are scarring me you know. What is it that is going on? Does it have something to do with the appointment you had a St. Mungo's today? I thought that was just a small bout with the flu are you okay what did they say?_

"_Ron, you know that you are cute when you are worried" she said placing a small kiss on his lips "I am fin. Actually nothing is wrong that seven more months won't cure." _

"_Mione you know that..." he stopped mid-sentence and she looked at him trying to stifle a giggle but not succeeding. _

"_Wait for it, wait for it," she mocked seeing realization dawn on his face "there it is- you've figured it out have you?"_

_He looked at her and then down at her abdomen, then back at her face again. "Hermione Weasley do you mean to tell me that you are, I can't even say it too loud."_

"_Yes Ron," she said placing her hand on his cheek "I am going to have a baby in seven months, we are going to be parents." _

_Ron let out a yelp and pulled her up kissing her soundly. She was grinning no longer able to hide her emotions. He dropped down to his knees and caressing her stomach said "Hello baby, I am your dad. I can't wait to meet you. I also can't wait for you to meet your mum she is the most wonderful witch in the world you are going to just love her."_

She couldn't stop the tears now if she had wanted to, all the pain was coming so close to the forefront now. The memories were so clearer, much more painful. She flipped through the pictures in the album and watched her expanding stomach in each one, That had been such a happy time, they had shopped together for the baby, painted the nursery, chose names and got ready for the impending arrival. The Weasley's had been ecstatic and Molly sent daily owls to check on her progress and make sure she hadn't needed anything. The pregnancy had not been hard at all. She had so much help and support from her family and friends that she really hadn't had to worry about anything.

The baby arrived on a thunderous night, probably during one of the worst storms in England. They were over at Harry's, for dinner with both him and Ginny. She hadn't really wanted to go; she had felt so sick all day long and wasn't up to going out, even just for dinner with her best friends...

"_Ron, do we have to go? I really don't want to; can't you just let Harry know that I really don't feel up to it tonight?I am sure he will understand."_

"_Sweetie, you know we haven't seen Harry and Gin in over a month. I really want to go tonight, if I promise that we won't stay to late is that okay."_

"_Fine Ron," she said marching upstairs to their bedroom to change._

_Stupid hormones she thought, I just can't control any emotion right now. Tears falling down her cheeks she tried to change but could not find anything that she felt comfortable in. She just wanted to wear her sweats but knew that this wasn't possible. She hated feeling fat and ugly; she hated how Ron always told her she was beautiful. She knew it was stupid but it was how she felt. She quickly put on a maternity dress and pulled her hair back into a clip before joining Ron, downstairs. Since it was unsafe for her to travel by floo powder apparating was the only option. As soon as she joined him, he took her hand leaning forward placed a kiss on her forehead._

"_You look beautiful sweetheart." _

_Once they had arrived at Harry's flat, she noted it wasn't as bad as she had expected. She was having a lot of fun sitting and talking to Ginny and Harry, it was just like the old days. She even ignored the pains in her lower back and abdomen dismissing them as indigestion. It was getting late though and she had decided they better make their way home. When she stood though intense pain raced through her and she had the sudden desire to sit down again. Seeing the look on her face, Ginny had rushed over to her,_

"_Hermione, are you okay? What's wrong? Is it the baby?" Ginny asked_

"_I don't think so Gin, I just didn't feel well for a second. I think I am okay now but I would like to complain to the chef about the cooking tonight." she said shooting Harry a playful glance_

"_Hey don't blame me or my cooking Mrs. Weasley. I don't see anyone else here sick." Harry retorted._

_She grinned and tried to stand up again, the pain in her lower abdomen worsened when she did. Barely able to stand straight she realized that this was not indigestion, she was in labor. Looking up she saw that Ron had moved to her side and was supporting her while Ginny and Harry looked at her concerned._

"_You okay love?" Ron questioned. She shook her head no and then Ron turned to Harry "Really Harry, if you have killed my wife you will have me to answer to-"_

"_Ron, I really think we need to get to St. Mungo's now." she saidanother pain shooting through her. _

_Ron looked at her as if she was speaking another language. Then finally understanding what she was referring to he dropped her arm and embraced- Harry?_

"_Harry did you hear we have to get to St. Mungo's, St. Mungo's! Do you know what that means? That means I am going to be a dad, Harry!" the two boys were jumping up and down like school girls entirely oblivious to herself and Ginny watching them_

"_Well mate, you are going to be a dad, you know what that makes me? An uncle, well not technically but hey I can still be the baby's uncle right? Who said that you had to be related someway? They didn't know what they were talking about. I Harry Potter am going to be an uncle!" and then the jumping continued. _

_When she looked over at Ginny she saw a look of disgust in her eyes, turning to her Ginny said, "Hermione, lets go. I am sure that these gits will realize sooner or later that you are the one that is having the baby and if we don't go now you might be having it on Harry's living room floor." then as the realization hit Ginny too she screamed "I am going to be an aunt. I am going to be an aunt," and then Ginny abandoning her too, she joined the boys in their celebration. _

_It was then that she busted out laughing. She couldn't help herself. Between Harry and Ron acting like ten year old school girls and Ginny's comments she just had to laugh. The obscurity of the situation made her wonder why she had even told them. In all honesty she would have been better off if she had just apparated to St. Mungo's by herself. Then she wouldn't have had to worry about the three over there. _

_Her laughing must have broke them out of whatever state of frenzy that had been in because the shouts and jumping had stopped now. The three of them looked at her with a concerned expression. _

"_Is she alright?" Ginny asked_

"_I always told you she was mental Ron, didn't I?" Harry said_

"_Hey mate you can't blame her it is the hormones and all that other woman stuff you know."_

_Ron replied_

_These comments just made her laugh all the more,_

"_Mental, Ron, I am telling you. She has finally lost it. Well I have to hand it to her. After twelve years of knowing you and three being married to you she lasted longer than any of us thought that she would." Harry said._

"_I am not mental Harry," she was able to say through her laughter "If you three had only been able to see yourselves. Jumping up and down shouting." The memory again made her laugh but the laughter quickly gave way to the pain again._

"_Ron," she said breathless after the pain had subsided "I really think that we need to get to St. Mungo's now. I know Harry is excited to be an uncle, but I don't think he wants said niece or nephew born in his flat." _

"_Right away love. Gin, can you let mum know that we have gone? Thanks." he said not waiting for a response. We will see you there?" both Ginny and Harry nodded and she and Ron apparated to St. Mungo's. _

She laughed at the memory, times had been so easy then, the four of them really hadn't a care in the world. That had changed so much in the past year, it was all different now. The joy that once had been a constant in her life was gone. There was part of her that didn't even want it there, she felt guilty when she was happy. Deep down she knew it was all silly, that she needed to move on, that it wasn't wrong for her to feel joy but the loss still hurt so much.

She turned the page again and saw a picture of their son, Richard Arthur Weasley. He was a joy in their lives. She had loved getting up every morning and sneaking into his bedroom to watch him sleep. He had been such a good baby, so full of energy so happy all the time. It hadn't been fair, she had tried so hard to be the best mother to him and Ron, he had loved that baby so much, that he would have gone to the ends of the earth and back for him.

She didn't want to see anymore, she didn't want to remember any more. It was to hard now, it was all too hard. She closed the photo album and threw it across the room. Falling to her knees sobbing, she knew this was going to be too hard. Why had she even started this trip down memory lane in the first place? She wasn't ready to deal with it, she wasn't ready to admit that she had made the biggest mistake in her life and it had caused her family so much pain and heartache. She wasn't ready to face it, but it did make her realize that she was, for the first time in a long time, truly alone.


	5. Once upon a dream you were heaven sent t...

**As always thanks to those who reviewed, if you haven't please review after so I know what you think about this story. Also as always to my DB crew. You are all awesome so I would like to give you all a "Your Not So Bad After All" award. Enjoy! Thanks as well to Adam who found what this chapter was missing and for my beta who always amazes me!**

**Disclaimer- the same as the last two weeks, I am still not JK Rowling and I own nothing. Do you really think that will ever change?**

Chapter 4: _Once upon a dream you were heaven sent to me, was it never meant to be was it just a dream?_

She awoke several hours later curled up against the couch. Ron wasn't coming home that night. He had taken time off from work to help with Harry and Ginny's wedding. He had asked her to come but she had told him to make her excuses and tell them she would be there the night before the wedding. He hadn't said anything to that simply nodded and turned away.

She had been doing that a lot lately, pulling away from family and friends. Ron had told her she was coming despondent, maybe she was. After it, happened she didn't want any sympathy and that was all that they could give to her. She hated the looks of pity in their eyes, she hated how the room would get quiet the minute she walked in and everyone would look up and give her a half hearted smile. "They all blame me," she told herself "and with good reason, it was my fault. I was the one responsible that day." To escape this she just stopped going out, she would attend the obligatory functions for work and family but always made excuses to leave early. She pulled farther into herself as each day passed.

She only wanted to forget the pain, so she started working longer and longer hours. She left the house by at least seven every morning and would not return till at least that late at night. In work she found her solace, it was easier to forget when she was away from home, away from Ron. She knew that this was just a cover for the pain; it was still there she just kept pushing it back. When she came home grief always overwhelmed her and when she saw Ron guilt overwhelmed the grief. When she was home she barely spoke to him. It was just better to forget the past two years had ever happened.

She looked around the house again, it was so bare, the walls were empty just a few snap shots from Hogwarts and from immediately after their wedding everything else had been put away. The house was no longer a home it was just four walls. How did she ever let it get it this bad? Why had she let this happen? Ron had been there for her and she had pushed him away. She knew that he needed her; she knew that he wanted her with him but she had chosen to stay away. Deep down she told herself that he really didn't love her anymore, one day he would wake up and realize what she had done. She didn't want to be there when that happened, she couldn't bear to see the pain and hate in his eyes.

Pulling herself off the floor she turned and looked at the clock, quarter past ten, she had been asleep for the last eight hours. The rest had been needed she hadn't been sleeping. When she slept she remembered the nightmares haunted her dreams every night. So she lay awake in bed replaying over and over again the events of the day her world came crashing down. She tried to go back and see what signs she had missed; she knew there had to be some. She also played the what if game- what if I had never left? What if I had insisted that the two of them stay with me instead of going home? What if I had just gone with them? That was the question that bothered her the most. Was it because of her own selfishness that she was in this situation now? She would have given anything to take it back, she wanted to use a time turner again and go back to stop herself. It was unrealistic though. Her life was not going to change.

She wanted it to though. Everyday she looked at the picture hidden in her purse. It was a picture of the three of them at Richard's first birthday party. Ron had Richard with one arm and the other was wrapped around her waist. The three of them were smiling at a face Harry had pulled behind the camera to get Richard's attention. That day she had nothing but hopeful wishes for her son, now they had all been shattered. She should have known that her life had been too perfect. Should have known that something would happen in order to wake her up from the dream. "You still have Ron," a voice deep down told her "He is still here for you, he loves you, and he wants to take care of you. Go to him tonight stop hurting him and yourself."

"No!" she said aloud "It is better this way, we are both going to be happier."

"We are going to be happier!" she repeated.

"You will always love him though," she thought, "that will never change."

Suddenly feeling the confines of the house she knew she had to get away. Harry and Ginny's wedding was in two days. Tomorrow night she would have to be at the Burrow to help with all the last minute details. She didn't want to be there though; she didn't want to be surrounded with happiness when she was so miserable. She had to escape tonight, leave now before anyone could stop her. Flying off the bed she summoned her trunk and began packing haphazardly. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she was not coming back here.

"Accio, album" she called and the photo album she had been looking at all afternoon flew into the room. The decision now was did she take it or leave it? It held so many wonderful memories but they were painful too. She looked through it in the end taking only two pictures: the picture of herself, Ron and Harry in their first year at Hogwarts, and one of her and Ron on their wedding day. Running to the desk she pulled out a piece of paper and began to write a letter to Ron.

_**Ron, **_

_**As you have probably guessed by my trunk being missing and the clothes gone, I have left. I don't want to hurt you anymore and I think that, in the long run, this will be better for the both of us. Please know that none of this was your fault. It was all me, I was the one that let it all fall apart. I am sorry I couldn't do better this time, I am sorry I let you down. If I had just been able to change what happened that day- but no that is in the past now and we both need to start fresh right?**_

_**Tell Harry and Ginny that I am sorry. I wish I could be there to see them get married but it is better for all of us if I am not. I wish them nothing but happiness in their lives together and I know that they will find it. Please also tell your family that I thank them for the kindness and generosity they have shown me over the past 14 years. I have always been proud to be a Weasley and I am only sorry that I have brought some shame to the family name. **_

_**I have left this album for you in hopes that one day you will be able to remember me fondly again. I have always loved you Ron and will never stop. I think I told myself in my head that if we both loved each other enough that we would be able to conquer anything. Unfortunately, I was not strong enough and forgive me for that.**_

_**Please, though I doubt you will listen, promise me that you wont come looking for me. It really is easier if we just let this all go. We can't stop hurting each other this way it has taken a toll on both of us and I don't want it to hurt anymore. **_

_**I hope one day you will forgive me,**_

_**Hermione**_

Tears stained the letter as she read it over one more time. Placing both letter and the album on the bed she checked the room one more time and walked out the door.

When she really thought of it there was only one place to go, at least for tonight. She had lost herself in so many memories today it only seemed fitting. She apparated to Hogsmede and after finding lodging she put on her cloak leaving her room for a walk to Hogwarts. This was the one place that she wanted to see before she left. She knew Ron would look for her, it was who he was. So she had decided to leave England all together. Her plan was currently to move to France or even America and live as a muggle. She would be harder to find that way. She could just slip into a new life in either of these places and no one from her past would be able to find her.

She headed up towards the castle reliving more memories each time she passed something. Her first trip here with Ron, the meeting with Rita Skeeter and Harry in the Leaky Cauldron, her first visit to the Shrieking Shack. It was nearing midnight the night was so dark that she could almost feel the shadows of the past creeping up on her.

Reaching the entrance to the Hogwarts grounds she looked up at the castle, it was as if things had never changed. It was like she remembered it, the castle stood out against the sky and she could see a few lights were still on. Since thee term had just started there were probably some late night study sessions taking place, she thought remembering some that she had been a part of. The night was chilly though; she pulled her cloak around her shoulders in order to stay warm and made her way up the hill.

Passing Hagrid's hut she was sad to see how it had fallen into disrepair since his death. More memories flooded back to her then of the nights she, Harry and Ron would sneak off to visit him. Those boys had gotten her to break more school rules than even she liked to admit. Smiling at the memories she thought, "You have to give them credit though. They put up with so much from me. I really wonder how they did it."

She continued her walk up the path and around the lake. She knew that she really wasn't supposed to be here and she worried about what would happen if she were caught. Were there laws against being on school property when you weren't a student, teacher or even an invited guest? As if someone was reading her thoughts she heard movement behind her.

"Ah, Mrs. Weasley- it is only you." she turned to see her former headmaster appear behind her. She was shocked and embarrassed. Part of the plan was that no one could know that she was here. It would make it so much easier to leave in the morning. Trying to cover up her emotions she started,

"I am so sorry Professor Dumbledore; I was just staying the night in town and wandered up her for a minute. I will just be going now." and she turned as if to leave.

"Hermione," he said his voice not unkind "please do not leave yet. Take your time and relive the memories that you need to. We will not bother you at all. If, however, after you have finished your walk around the grounds and you wish to talk, I will be in my office with Minerva working on some new policies for the ministry to consider. Please come by and say hello will you? The time does not matter."

She was stunned but nodded her agreement and then he disappeared again. She often wondered how he did that. It was impossible to apparate on school grounds. She had told Ron and Harry that many times during their years here but Dumbledore never really apparated he just appeared or disappeared. She did as she was told though and continued on her walk up to her favorite place at Hogwarts.

She nestled back against the tree, remembering the last time she had been here; it had been her graduation day. Those memories played over in her mind again just like they had earlier this morning. She looked out across the lake and up at the castle and wondered why she had taken that time for granted. It had been so easy then, easier than now anyway. Her gazed wandered around the grounds again. Richard really would have loved it her, she thought. He had been such smart baby he would have succeed just like both his parents, well at least gotten into as many scrapes as they did. He did have a knack for getting into sticky situations, like the time he had gotten himself up to the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator. She had turned around to find him sitting on the top of the fridge with a cookie in each hand. She laughed a little at the memory but the laughter quickly turned to tears. She had really tried not to think about him. He had been her light but he was gone now she needed to realize this, it was time that she stopped pretending that he never existed. As much as she had tried to avoid it there was one last memory, no matter the pain it brought, she had to relive tonight...

_It had been a bright day in April and she was getting ready for work. Richard had sat in the playpen next to her while she finished her hair. He had been watching her with acute interest and she smiled down at him,_

"_Yes, mommy is getting ready for work but she will be back don't worry okay?" she looked down at him, his eyes shining with tears. This had become a morning ritual with him; he would watch her get ready then cry as she made to leave. She would pick him up, hold him for a while and wonder how she could leave him day after day, then turn him over to the nanny to watch until she returned home. _

_After he was born she had considered quitting work, she really wanted to be there and raise her child. But she convinced herself that her job at the ministry was too important to give up. She was doing so much good there, helping so many muggle-borns and their families ease into wizarding life that she didn't feel that she could give it up. So she and Ron had decided to hire a nanny to watch him during the day. _

_Molly had been upset at first claiming she could watch her grandson but they did not want to place the burden on her. They had interviewed several women before finding Sarah. She had come highly recommended by her previous employers and she seemed to take immediately to Richard. So they had hired her and Sarah was there every morning at eight sharp to take over duties as caretaker. She never worried when Richard was with Sarah, he was safe then. _

_Walking down the stairs that day with Richard on her hip she wiped away her own tears. "I thought it was supposed to get easier to leave them as they got older?" she thought "It really only gets harder everyday. I'm going to talk to Ron when he gets home tonight; we need to discuss my work schedule. Maybe I can drop to part time status or maybe do some work from home?" they were both possibilities and she would bring them up at dinner tonight. All she knew was that the morning routine was wearing on her and she couldn't keep doing it much longer. Placing Richard on the couch she saw Sarah come into the room. _

_She was a pleasant woman and had such away with Richard. She had become a surrogate grandmother to him really. Noticing the clock she realized that she was late for work._

"_Richard sweetie, I am leaving now okay. How about you and Sarah come and have lunch with Mummy today does that sound good?_

"_Yeth," he said then beginning to cry he continued "Wanta go with mommy now."_

"_Not today baby, but if you are good for Sarah maybe we can go visit Uncle George and Uncle Fred today." her son stopped crying after hearing his uncle's names._

"_Wanna see unca Red and Rorge." he laughed_

_She kissed him on the top of the head then turned to Sarah. "Just meet me in front of the ministry about 12:30 I will be there and we can walk over to the café for lunch. Does that sound alright?"_

"_Of course dear," the older woman replied "We will be there, won't we sweet cheeks? Now say goodbye to your mummy and we can go play."_

_He kissed her on the cheek and waved to her as she apparated to work._

_The day had been so busy that she barely had time to register she was late for their lunch. She hurried outside and saw them standing across the street. Quickly crossing she took her son in her arms and swung him around._

"_How's my big boy today?" she asked kissing both cheeks_

_A giggle was the only response she got._

_Together the three of them made their way to the café on the corner and sat down together. _

"_I don't have much time for a long lunch today Sarah. Work has been so busy that I am afraid I might be here well into the night. Ron should be home by five though and will be able to take him off your hands then." she said in-between bites. It was official she decided, she didn't want these rushed lunches with her son once or twice a week. She wanted to have them all the time, she was going to talk to Ron tonight and see what they could do about changing her work schedule. _

"_Don't worry about it dear," Sarah replied patting her hand. "Just don't work to hard; it will all still be there tomorrow."_

"_That is only too true Sarah." she said _

_The lunch had been wonderful even if it was brief, she wouldn't have time to take Richard to see Fred and George though. The minister was howling for the reports for his four o'clock meeting and she still wasn't finished with them. _

"_Sarah can you do me a favor?" she asked as they made there way back to the ministry "Can you take Richard to see Fred and George in Diagon Alley? He hasn't been there for ages and I know that they would really like to see him. That won't be too much of a problem will it?"_

"_Not at all love." she answered_

_Kissing her son again she told him to be a good boy and that she would be home in time to read him a bed time story and tuck him in for the night. She made her way back to her office and spent the next few hours trying to finish her report. _

_The commotion outside in the hallways jolted her out of her concentration. Muttering to herself on how people should respect one another's work area and time she rose from her desk to inquire into the matter and then ask them to please keep the noise down. When she opened the door chaos surrounded her. Her co-workers were everywhere, apparating from one desk to another fear on all of their faces. _

_She looked down the hall looking for someone who could tell her what was going on when she saw Harry hurrying toward her. His expression was grave and she suddenly became very worried._

"_Harry, what is it? What's wrong?" she asked. _

"_Hermione," he began "there has been another break out from Azkaban. Five former death eaters have escaped."_

"_Oh my gosh," the realization of his statement hitting her "Malfoy!"_

_He nodded_

"_Ron, I have to get to Ron." and she started down the hallway, worry etched on her face._

_Harry grabbed her hand and stopped her. "I stopped by his office first; he knows and is waiting for you down stairs with Tonks and Remus."_

"_Let's go then." she said starting down the hall again. _

"_Hermione," Harry called running to catch up with her "look there are some things that we need to discuss."_

"_Harry this is not the time for discussion!" she said cutting him off "I need to go find my husband, so we can go collect Richard from Sarah. After that we will do whatever you want us to do."_

_Harry knew not to argue with her when she was like this and followed her down to where Remus, Tonks and Ron were waiting. Ron embraced her as she reached him,_

"_I am so glad that you are okay."_

"_Of course I am," she said pecking him on the check "do you really think that Malfoy could get into the Ministry this fast? Especially into the Ministers office?"_

"_No, but I was still worried." _

"_Hey guys, I hate to interrupt and everything but we are under strict orders to get you both to Grimwald Place immediately." Harry told them taking a step forward "Tonks will be coming with you; Remus and I will go to get Richard and Sarah and meet you there."_

"_Don't think so mate, we are all coming with you." Ron replied_

"_Ron, don't argue with me about this right now. You really don't have a choice and you know it, just go with Tonks and we will be there in a half an hour." _

"_Harry, I am not going anywhere with out my son. So either you are going to have to let me go or hex me into submission. Let me warn you though," he said pulling his wand from his robes "Mione here has taught me a thing or two."_

_Harry looked dumbfounded as he noticed she was nodding her agreement and also reaching for her wand. _

"_Harry, we are wasting time." Remus sighed "Let them come it will be faster and easier if we all go."_

"_Between the five of us," Tonks interrupted gesturing to each member of the group "we should be able to handle anything that we could possibly come across."_

_Harry, finally relenting nodded "Fine let's go then. We have to get the both of you to a safe house still."_

_She was the last to arrive at the house and the last to notice- the dark mark hung over her house. _

_She woke in a strange bedroom a few hours later. She tried to remember where she was and how she got here. Ginny was sitting in a chair her face red from crying, Molly and Arthur were sitting in the corner talking in hushed voices. Then she remembered everything- the breakout, Malfoy, the dark mark. Sitting up she yelled, "Richard?"_

_The three in the room turned around to look at her and dread filled her as she saw their faces. _

"_Oh dear," Molly said moving toward her "I am so sorry, I am so very very sorry." _

"_No." she said in a dangerous tone "No it is not true. Where is Ron? He will tell you all. Where is he?"_

"_He is with Richard," Ginny said through her tears "he wouldn't leave him. It took Harry, Tonks and Remus to get him here."_

"_I want to see him now!" she demanded "He will tell you that you are all wrong. You will all see, he will tell you."_

_She started to get up from the bed when a voice came from the doorway, "Hermione, I don't think that is best right now."_

_She looked up and saw Harry standing there, his face white as ash. At that moment she knew it was all true._

"_I want to see him Harry." she said quietly "I want to be there with him and Ron."_

_He nodded and took her hand, leading her down the hallway. They said nothing to one another Harry supported her as they walked into a room at the end of the hall. Ron was kneeling by the side of a bed in which a small figure lay very still. _

_He looked up at them, tears running down his cheeks. She had never seen him cry before; she had known him for almost 14 years and had never seen him cry once. It killed her inside. _

"_Ron," she whispered, rushing towards him and falling into his arms. He held her tight while they cried together. After a few minutes she looked at him, his eyes still rimmed with tears looking so sorrowful. _

"_Is he going to be okay? Please tell me he is going to be okay. He can't leave us Ron."_

"_Mione, there is nothing else they could do. Sarah, bless her, did what she could to shield him but there wasn't enough time. She died too. It was the Avada Kedavra, Mione. Not one of us could have done anything." he stumbled over these last words. Their son was dead and there was nothing they could have done to stop it. They had conquered everything together and the one time that it really mattered they were helpless._

_Harry had slipped out leaving the two of them with Richard. She looked at her son for the first time. He looked so peaceful; it was hard for her to believe that he wasn't going to wake up. Walking over to the bed she sat down and took him in her arms, she wanted to hold him. She looked at Ron and took his hand. Together they sat on the bed holding their son for the last time. _

The tears spilled freely down her cheeks now. It had all been her fault. She was the one that suggested they meet her for lunch, she had asked Sarah to take him to visit Fred and George, she had been to busy with work and didn't have the time to be with them. It had all been her fault. Had she been a better mother this never would have happened. "Why didn't I go with them? I could have stopped it."

The day after the funeral was when she had started to pull away. Just a little at first but it became easier after a while and she made more excuses not to go anywhere. She hid her emotions letting them simmer underneath till they had finally broken through today. Why today she thought? What had triggered her to lose control today? Then she remembered the date it was the 15th. Five months ago today she lost him. The pain and ache was almost uncontrollable now she felt so much guilt over everything. She had caused Sarah and Richard's deaths. She was the one who pulled away from her friends and family, she was the one that was causing so much pain to them all. And Ron, she couldn't even think about him, what she had done to him. He would be so much better when she was gone. She knew it. He wouldn't have her there to remind him of what she had lost for the both of them.

She reached into her pocket to get a clean handkerchief. Wiping her tears she heard a twig snap. It was so late, probably nearing one. Who would be out here? Both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall knew where she was and that she would be up to see them before she left, so who was here now? A voice then broke the darkness,

"Mione?" I thought you would come here. This was always your favorite spot."


	6. If I'm Wise I Would Walk Away and Gladly

**Yes another chapter I promise things will start looking up soon for Hermione and Ron!  A happy birthday to my beta and best of luck on her driving test tomorrow! Also a big thanks to her for fixing all my silly mistakes and trying to make heads and tails of what I have written. And as always to the DB crew you are all awesome thanks for the support in everything- remember just keep swimming.**

**With the chapter title- I had to change songs on you all. The song Once Upon a Dream had ran out of lyrics (I was only planning on a 5 chapter story but realized there was so much more that needed to be said). So I have just borrowed two lines from the song 'In His Eyes' also from Jekyell and Hyde. Thanks for all the reviews, please keep reviewing!**

**Disclaimer- If you haven't figured it out from chapters 1-5, I am not JK Rowling and will never be JK Rowling. Sorry with that said it also means I don't anything but the plot. **

Chapter 5:_ If I'm Wise I would walk away and gladly_

"Ron! " she jumped up looking at him in shock. What was he doing here? He was not supposed to be here, this is not how it was supposed happen. Thousands of questions were racing through her mind and it seemed like hours before she could finally choke out one of them.

"Why are you here?" barely registering the words she looked at him again. Why had she asked him that? Not- How did you find me? or What are you doing here? She instead asked him Why?. It was then she realized she really wasn't that surprised to see him here. She should have known that he wouldn't have listened to her, when had he ever? But what she didn't understand was how he had found the note so quickly.

"We need to talk." he said moving towards her. She looked at him really for the first time. He looked so tired the bags under his eyes were more apparent than they had ever been and the eyes themselves had lost so much of the light they used to carry. What worried her was she saw the same look in her eyes every morning when she looked in the mirror

"Ron, look we can talk tomorrow or the day after, just not tonight okay?" she sighed.

"No Hermione, we have put this off long enough," he started anger slightly edging his voice "we are going to talk tonight, right here, right now."

"Fine Ron," she conceded, "How did you know that I was here anyway? I thought you were staying at the Burrow until Sunday?" If he wanted to talk fine then they would talk but it was going to be on her terms, she told herself.

He took another step toward her making the distance that separated them only a few feet. "You know that is kinda funny actually. I was in my room at the Burrow thinking of you, wondering what had happened to us when and I decided that we finally needed to talk this out." his voice was beginning to rise in volume as he took another step closer "So I went home to talk to you and what do I find? An empty house! Everything that was yours is gone and all I am left with is a photo album and a damn note Hermione, a damn note!"

She started to interrupt him but he put up a hand to stop her "No I'm not done, not by a long shot. Do you think that I don't know you? Did you really think you could just leave and hide from me for the rest of your life? Come on Hermione give me some credit here. I have known you for how long?"

When she didn't answer he prodded again "How long Hermione? Come on answer me."

"Fourteen years." she said, the anger starting to build

"Fourteen years is a long time and honestly it has taught me a few things. After I read the note I knew where you'd gone. This has always been your safe place, it was easier for you here."

"I contacted Dumbledore immediately and he confirmed what I already knew. Finding you on the grounds wasn't hard either, you always came here when you were upset or after we'd fought. This was your place and everyone knew not to bother you when you came here, even Harry and I would stay away."

"Then why didn't you stay away tonight Ronald?"

"Because Hermione, I've stayed away long enough now. I am tired of living like this. Judging by your note I know you are too. So let's talk," he said anger now controlling every feature "I am ready to hear whatever you have to say."

"Ron," she began trying to control her temper "I think that you should go. I told you everything in the letter, it is going to be better for us this way, I don't want to keep causing you all this pain it isn't fair to you or your family."

"Hermione!" he yelled "I am tried of this. Stop trying to act so noble and like a picked on little martyr. You have been doing this for five months now and it is not going to work tonight. I am not leaving until this is resolved one way or the other.

Though he was angry she could hear the pain in his voice. Instead of softening her it made her bristle. She was the cause of his pain- why couldn't he get it through his thick skull that if she left he would be better off?

Seeing that she wasn't going to answer him he started again his voice becoming very still and soft "Please tell me what I have done wrong? I would at least like to know that."

She looked at him in disbelief. Did he really think this was about something that he done? That was ludicrous.

"Ron," she sighed "You haven't done anything. It is just going to be better for you this way. Trust me."

"Better for you, I think is what you meant to say." the anger again returning

"No Ron, better for the both of us. You don't need me or want me around anymore, we both know that so if I just leave..." he was right in front of her now so she turned her back on him and started walking toward the lake "Merlin Ron- you weren't even supposed to know I had left. I was trying to make this easier for the both of us, so we didn't have to have this conversation. I didn't want to hurt you..."

"So you left a note? Really I thought Hermione Granger was supposed to be the smartest witch of her time. Did you really think that a note was going to take care of anything? Honestly."

She looked at him, not registering that he had finished talking. He hadn't called her by her maiden name in five years, not since they were married. He had always been so proud that she was his wife, a Weasley, that he made sure no one had ever forgotten that. She could feel the anger in his words now and it made her even angrier. What right did he have getting mad at her? He was the one that was forcing them to have this conversation.

"Ron, you and I both know that the marriage was over the day Richard died. We were just living a sham and I couldn't take it anymore." she said no longer even attempting to control her anger.

"That wasn't my choice, Hermione. You were the one who turned away. You were the one that wouldn't talk about anything. You were the one that walked out." he spat at her

"Really Ron- this is why I just left. I didn't want to have this discussion. I saw my opportunity and took it. Is there really anything wrong with that?" she questioned

"You know, you really are selfish sometimes." he said in a low voice "Did you know that? This isn't always about you Hermione. You weren't the only one who lost a child that day. You may think that you are but I was his parent too. So don't pull the 'I really don't want to hurt you' speech on me. The person you really didn't want to hurt was yourself."

She just glared at him not really noticing the pain evident in his expression.

"Can't you see you are not the only one hurt by all of this? Harry and Ginny lost their godson, my parents lost their grandchild. There were so many people that were hurt that day and instead of pulling together and leaning on each other for support like we have always done- you simply pulled away and started to live in your world of self pity. I have tried to be supportive, I have tried to help but I am done now. I can't do this anymore. If this is what you want that is fine, it is your decision. But stop trying to pretend that you are doing this for the rest of us!"

"Ron I am not staying to listen to this." she said turning to leave

"You stay right where you are Hermione or so help me."

"So help me what Ron? What are you going to do? Leave me? Well new flash- I have already left!"

Ron looked startled and hurt started to show in his face but she didn't care anymore. She had tried to be polite. She had tried to be understanding but she was done now. She hadn't even wanted to have this conversation he was the one forcing it.

"You know what Ron. You are right." he looked at her startled "You should be done with this relationship now. Because you know you really haven't been here the last few months either. Have you even really stopped to look at me and ask me what is wrong? Have you? Did you know that I can't stand looking at you everyday because I am afraid one morning you will look at me and realize I was the one that took your son away from you. Do you remember the last time you kissed me or even held my hand?"

He looked at her, guilt apparent in his face but he still made no move to speak.

"This is what I have had to live with Ron, your blame. You wouldn't give me the time of day and everyone else took pity on you. 'Oh, poor Ron'" she mimicked "his wife doesn't go anywhere anymore.' 'Oh look at the poor boy he lost his son and now his wife is treating him like dirt.' 'What a wonderful man he must be to put up with her' you know what Ron I think that you have enjoyed this attention."

"Enjoyed?" he echoed "Enjoyed? Do you really think I have enjoyed this Hermione? Do you think the last few months have been a picnic to me? Do you think I am looking forward to telling my sister and best friend that their best friend is not going to be at their wedding? You couldn't even tell them yourself, you had to leave it to me!"

"Do not bring Ginny and Harry into this, Ron." She warned

"Why not? You know you should have seen the look on Gin's face this morning when I arrived without you. She really wanted to talk to you and get your advice. She has been the one telling me to give you more time to work things out. She thought you would eventually come around. She looks up to you Hermione though I don't know why. I wish she could have seen and heard you tonight. She could have realized that the person she admired all these years cared nothing for her happiness at all."

Without knowing what she was doing she reached out and slapped him. He took a step back holding his cheek, just staring at her. She was still angry but the anger was again giving away to guilt. What had she done? He was right he was right about everything. She had only been thinking of herself but she still thought that leaving was the best answer. Closing her eyes she tried to get control of her emotions. Hoping that when she opened them he would be gone.

He wasn't though he still stood there staring at her. She looked at him and shame overwhelmed her.

"Ron," she sighed "I don't want to do this anymore. Do you really think this has been a picnic for me? Everyday I have woken up with a fear that today will be the day you realize what I have done to you. What you have lost because of me. I just couldn't do it anymore. It is my fault that Richard died. Can't you just admit that? This is my entire fault."

"You know what Hermione, we are through here. I can't play this game anymore. If you want me to leave I will but stop blaming yourself for our son's death. You did not kill him Malfoy did. Or have you forgotten that?"

He turned to head back down the path to the castle but he stopped hearing her next words.

"If I had let you kill him that day this never would have happened."


	7. But sadly I'm not wise, it's hard to tal...

**Once again a new chapter, hopefully there should only be about two more and then we are done. Thanks for all those who have reviewed and I promise to make sure there is a happy ending, in fact it starts in this chapter. Let the healing finally begin. Thanks as always to my lovely beta as well to the DB crew all of you have made this story what it is today.**

**Disclaimer- To think if I was JK Rowling, I would be so stickin rich right now I wouldn't have to worry about the bills on my desk or the car repairs that had to be made. Oh well as always I am not her. **

Chapter 6: _But sadly I'm not wise, it's hard to talk away the memories that you prize._

Ron stood looking at her, the shock at her words evident on his face. He looked as if he was going to speak but she cut him off. "Ron that was my decision, you know that as well as I do. You were ready to kill him and I was the one that stopped you. If I had just let you, Richard never would have died. Oh Ron, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry." She turned away from him not being able to hold the tears anymore.

She really hadn't meant for any of this to happen but her choices from years before were now coming back to haunt her. Why had she been so stupid then? No, not stupid, naive. She really thought that a life in Azkaban would have been worse for him than death, she had hoped that even if he had ever managed to get out he would remember she had showed him mercy when he least deserved it. Some people, she realized too late, have no honor. She felt a hand placed on her shoulder....

_Night was falling over Hogsmede when they had arrived. There was no longer the bustle in the streets that there once had been, the shops stood empty and destroyed. Hogsmede had been abandoned soon after Dumbledore had closed Hogwarts to devote his full attention to stopping Voldemort. She could see the castle in the distance wondering what awaited them there. Only a few professors remained there to protect it but the Death Eaters surrounded them. Making camp in the Forbidden Forrest they waited for their chance to take the castle and those inside. _

_She stiffened as she felt a hand on her shoulder, but relaxed when she turned and saw it was Ron. He smiled at her and then looked over to Harry and Ginny. Nodding to one another the two boys lead the way towards the building that used to house Honeydukes. The four of them planned to get into the castle through the passageway in the basement. Moving slowly and carefully down the street they finally arrived. Harry and Ron ushered her and Ginny inside and then closed the door behind them. _

_She was shocked at what she was seeing; shattered glass everywhere and blast marks covered the walls. Had it really only been a few years ago she was in this store with the same three friends buying sweets? It didn't seem real to her anymore; none of this was real. "I'm going to wake up," she told herself "and find this all was a dream." The reality was only too apparent though as Ron took her hand and lead her down the stairs. Opening the passage way Harry looked at the three of them. _

"_Alright, we don't know what we are going to find when we get to Hogwarts, remember that. We know that Voldemort's camp is set up where the Quidditch Pitch was and from the last message Snape was able to get through he is ready to attack at anytime." The three nodded remembering the meeting the week before. "Once we are inside head directly to Dumbledore's office, I am sure by now he has been informed by the other members of the order that we have disappeared. I am also sure he has guessed we are coming here. No matter what he says, stick to the plan we are going to end this tonight. We need to." he added quietly_

_Finishing Harry entered the passage followed by Ginny. As she made to follow after her Ron grabbed her hand._

"_Mione," he started and then seemed at a loss for words _

"_It's okay Ron, I understand." She said going up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Don't worry; I am going to be fine."_

"_Just promise me he said looking down at her, no matter what happens in there you will not go off by yourself. Stay with either me or Harry, you will be safe there."_

"_Ron," she sighed "I can take care of myself. It isn't like we haven't been in jams like this before. We will all come out of this alright you'll see. Voldemort will be gone and we can live our lives without fear anymore. I promise Ron, I can handle anything that comes my way." Seeing the look of doubt on his face she added grinning, "Has anything stopped me before?" _

_He looked down at her and smiled, "Of course not love, nothing has ever stopped my Mione. Just is careful okay- I don't want to lose you."_

"_You won't, I promise." They began to lean towards each other when Ginny's voice broke them apart._

"_Oy, Ron? Hermione? Everything alright up there?"_

_She smiled at him and rolled her eyes at the unwanted interruption. "We are fine Gin. Just making sure no one can tell we have been here." She responded making her way towards the voice. Ron grabbed her hand and pulled her back._

"_You are not going to get out of it that easy Granger." he said and finished what they had started only seconds before. _

"_Ron, we have to go. I promise to be careful okay- just make me the same promise? Don't try and act the hero Ron, please?" she pleaded with him_

"_We'll see Mione." he said as he helped her into the passage "We'll see."_

"Hermione?' Ron's voice cut across the memory

"What Ron?" she snapped through the tears

"I don't blame you, I never have." Ron said quietly, removing his hand from her shoulder and turning to leave again.

She watched him start to walk away feeling her soul leaving with him. She wanted to believe him. Wanted desperately to believe the words that he had just told her. But she didn't know if he meant them. She wasn't sure if she was willing to trust herself again or if he was willing to trust her. She had harbored so much grief and guilt over the past 5 months and had been awful in what she had said tonight. Why did she do this to herself? Why was she doing this to him? She watched him walk away knowing that he deserved more but she also realized that she did not want him to share the rest of his life with anyone else. But what could she do to stop him? She had said so many hateful things, she had left him. Then, unbidden, came the words her mother had written in the post script of her last letter "Tell Ron how you feel. I promise he will love you and take care of you more than anyone else that I know." Gathering her courage she called out.

"Ron wait."

_The four of them walked quickly down the corridors of Hogwarts. She noticed that the pictures seemed to be empty of occupants. It was so quiet, there were no ghosts popping in and out of walls nor was there any students running up and down the corridor or owls swooping in and out. There was nothing but stillness. When they passed the portrait hole that once housed the Fat Lady, she felt a twinge of sadness and loss. They had lost so many friends in this war. Too many had either gone over to Voldemort's camp or had died resisting him. _

_She reached out and grabbed Ron's hand; he looked over at her concerned but offered her a slight smile and squeezed her hand reassuringly. This was so new to her. She and Ron had always been the best of friends and she had always turned to him for comfort but knowing that she loved him and he her- well she didn't know what to think about that. She only knew that if she lost him tonight she wouldn't be the same. _

_Reaching the staircase to Dumbledore's office, Harry looked over at them and noticed their hands. He smirked "Want to tell me something mate?" he asked Ron_

"_Mind your own business Harry." he warned_

_Harry had been on the verge of saying something else when Dumbledore appeared_

"_Harry, Miss Weasley, Miss Granger, Mister Weasley," he said nodding to them all in turn "We have been expecting you and were getting worried that you had not arrived yet. Follow me please." _

_The four of them looked at one another and Harry shot them a look saying "I told you so" and they turned to follow the Headmaster._

_Dumbledore had always amazed her. She had no idea how he knew half the things that he did. How his mere presence at the castle could ward off Voldemort. As she entered his office she noticed that he was not alone there. Professors McGonagall and Lupin were there along with Tonks and Hagrid. She looked at them all and wondered if they were going to try and stop them. _

_As if anticipating her thoughts Harry started immediately, _

"_We are not leaving. You all know that we have to end this and I am the only one that can. You've heard the prophecy and know what has to happen. Dumbledore can't do it, it has to be me." _

"_Thank you Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall cut him off. "and I suppose running off in the dead of the night and bringing three others into your fight was the only course of action you could take?"_

"_Minerva," Dumbledore spoke "calm yourself. Harry is right, this does need to end. We have all tried to long to protect him. He's ready."_

_Professor Lupin turned to him, "Dumbledore, I am not sure. I mean he is only..."_

"_Remus, do you really think that even if we force these four to go back they will not try again. I don't know if you have noticed in the past nine years but these four really aren't the best at keeping all the rules." Dumbledore said resignedly. _

_She just stared and watched the five adults carrying on the conversation as if they were not there. This is the way it always was, in every Order meeting, every time they had a plan they were constantly ignored and shot down. It wasn't as if they hadn't been fighting Voldemort and his followers since they were eleven. They probably had more experience than half of the older members of the order. She was tired of it. Tired of being treated as a child. _

_When Professor Lupin went to challenge Dumbledore again she cut him off "Look. We know what we are doing and we are going to do it tonight. You can either help us or not, that is your choice, but nothing is going to stop us. We have made it this far with out your help and we will continue. So stop speaking about us as if we are not here!"_

_Ron and Harry looked over at her in admiration and Ginny just smiled. It wasn't everyday that Hermione Granger talked back to an adult let alone these five._ _She just looked at them all questioningly and Ron came and stood beside her placing a hand on her shoulder._

"_Look Hermione is right. We can do this with our without you but it is going to be easier if we have your help."_

_The five looked at each other then to Dumbledore who nodded_

"_Tell us what you need us to do." The headmaster conceded _

"What do you want now Hermione?" Ron answered back "I am leaving, I am doing want you wanted me to do. Am I doing something else wrong?"

She looked at him and mustering all the courage that she had she started,

"Ron you have every reason to hate me right now, and in all honesty I hate myself. I have for the last few months and not only over Richard's death but also because how I have treated you. I kept telling myself that there is no way we could be happy again so why even try. I saw you hurting but couldn't make myself tell you how it was going to be okay. I wanted to, I still want to but I don't believe it. Ron, I thought you really did blame me for everything because I blame myself. When I think about that night when you almost killed him I asked myself why I stopped you, I knew what he deserved but I didn't want you to become a murderer. Isn't that funny, we had seen so much death that day and he had almost-"

"Mione," he cut her off she was shocked at how close he was to her now "you are rambling love."

She looked down not wanting to meet his eyes. He hadn't called her love in so long. Could he really just forgive her like that? She doubted it. She knew that everything he had said tonight was the truth. She was being selfish, she was running away but she wasn't going to run anymore. There was something that he had to know. It was time she told the truth about what had happened.

"Ron," she looked up at him "I am so sorry. Please know that, sorry about everything. I didn't mean what I said tonight. I was just afraid that you really did hold me responsible for what had happened. We have hurt each other so much Ron and I am so sorry."

"Stop apologizing okay?" he said "I am going to say this for the last time. I do not blame you, no one else does either. Everyone has been worried about you Mione. You haven't been yourself and the nightmares have gotten worse over the past months, haven't they?"

She nodded; surprised that he had noticed that the nightmares had returned with frequency. After they were married she still had them but they had subsided when Richard was born. After he died they came almost every night. Some nights were worse than others but she had never told him.

"What are they about Mione?" he asked concern in his voice "Richard? Voldemort? She shook her head.

"Malfoy?" he whispered. She nodded and looked at him.

"Ron, that there are parts of the story that you don't know and that I need to tell you."

"Okay," he said nodding. He took her hand and led her towards the tree. She felt a sudden rush of joy when he held her hand. It wasn't a solution but it was a start.

_They had left the adults in Dumbledore's office and were making there way towards the Great Hall when she remembered that there was a certain spell she had to ask Professor Lupin about. She turned to the three others and smiled. "I'll be right back, don't wait for me. I will catch up."_

_She ran quickly down the corridor, Ron calling after her but she ignored him. She was only going to be gone a few minutes and didn't want them there when she asked Lupin about the effects of the spell. _

_She slowed her pace as she neared the staircase to Dumbledore's office and stopped when she heard the voices. She recognized Professors Lupin and McGonagall making there way down the stairs, she was about to call out to them when she overheard their conversation. _

"_Minerva, why won't you trust the girl. She needs and deserves, I might add, to know how her parents died." _

"_Remus, it isn't that I don't trust her. She has always been an outstanding student with a clear head but she is also fiercely loyal. Didn't you see her tonight? If she finds out that he was the one that killed her parents she is not going to let it go."_

_He tried to stop her but the professor continued. "Don't you remember what she did to Umbridge in her 5th year? And at that time she didn't even believe that Sirius was in trouble. She'll do anything for her friends or family. If she knew that it that her parents were killed in an effort by Voldemort to find her I don't know what she will do." _

_She was in shock at what she was hearing. She knew that her parents had died in a Death Eaters attack but she didn't know they had been targeted. She didn't know that they have only come after her parents in order to find her. She felt anger racing through her body that this had been kept from her. Who else knew? She was sure the Weasley's did, why hadn't they told her? She was ready to confront the two when Professor Lupin spoke again. _

"_Minerva. You have to tell her. She needs to know the truth. Imagine what she will do when she finds out we have been hiding this from her, and she is going to find out Minerva. You know that as well as I do."_

"_You weren't there Remus. Right after we found out who had been killed in the attacks I apparated over to the Granger home to see if there was any hope. The house was in shambles everything destroyed and the Grangers..." her voice broke at the mention of the name "Elizabeth had been hit so many times with the Cruciatus curse that her body was barely recognizable and William he had just a look of horror in his eyes." she shivered at the memory and then continued _

"_We found out a few days later that they had tortured them to find out where Hermione was. They didn't tell them anything, not that they could have told them where Headquarters was but they even refused to tell them who she was with."_

"_Who was it?" she said making her presence known to the two professors_

_They turned towards her and looked at her in shock. "Tell me who it was!" she demanded_

"_Hermione," Lupin started "just calm down."_

"_No Professor I will not. Tell me who it was. I know Voldemort would not do that himself. He has others to do it for him and I want to know who it was."_

"_Miss Granger" a new voice came from the stairs. She turned and saw Dumbledore descending them and her anger intensified. _

"_You all knew and you never told me? Why? Did you think that I would rush out and track this person down? Why don't you trust me?" her eyes turned to McGonagall "Haven't I proven myself enough to you in these last two years?"_

"_Miss Granger that is enough." Dumbledore stated with authority. She looked at him demanding the answers to her questions._

"_It has never been a matter of trust Hermione." Lupin said_

"_It seems to be. I am an adult now and I don't want to be treated like a child anymore so stop trying to protect me."_

"_Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall started towards her. "it's not that we don't trust you. It was that if you knew who it was we were afraid that you would take vengeance personally on them."_

"_Who was it Professor?" she asked again_

"_It was Mister Malfoy and his father."_

She looked at Ron and was surprised to find that he didn't look shocked at the realization that Malfoy had killed her parents.

"Ginny told me. When you were still unconscious after the last fight and I asked her, she told me why you had gone looking for Malfoy."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you knew?" she asked

"I figured that it was something you would tell me as soon as you were ready. Why did you go looking for him by yourself though?"

"I wasn't thinking straight. I was so angry Ron. Angry at them for not telling me, angry at the Malfoy's for killing them but I was more angry at myself for not protecting them the way I should have. I told myself that if I had been there instead of with the Order I might have stopped them, or at least spared my parents and let them take me instead."

"Mione," he said cautiously "You know that they would have killed them anyway whether you had been there or not?"

"I do know. But at that time I just wanted to find them both and kill them. They had taken my parents away from me. My parents who had never done anything to them, they tortured and killed. That was when I decided to head towards the forest."

"When you didn't come right back we were afraid that something had happened to stop you. That is why Ginny came looking for you. We tried to stop her but she said it was better that she went."

"Did she tell you anything else about that night?" she asked worriedly.

"No, she wouldn't. Just told me that it was all okay now and not to worry about it. What happened Mione? All I know is that when I finally found you two. Malfoy was preparing to kill you both. What happened before?"

"_Hermione?" the voice from the window stopped her. _

_She looked up and saw Ginny looking out the window shouting at her._

"_Not now Ginny." she thought trying to ignore her _

"_Hermione? Wait please." she heard and then sighed. Ginny was going to alert every Death Eater on the grounds that she was here. She made her way towards the forest when she heard her name again._

_This time she turned around and looked at the girl running towards her. She knew that she would have to send Ginny back or take her with her. The racket the girl was making though astounded her, didn't she know that there were Death Eaters everywhere? She supposed that she would have to wait for them her to catch up. _

_Out of breath Ginny arrived and started "Hermione, where are you going? What are you doing out here?"_

_Before she had time to answer a spell shot over her left shoulder. She grabbed Ginny's hand and led her towards Hagrid's hut throwing spells along the way. "Why was I so stupid to come out here?" she thought "What possessed me? Now I am in trouble and so is Gin. Stupid, Granger, stupid."_

_They reached Hagrid's cabin and she slammed the door behind them. It wouldn't be a protection for long she knew but at least it was a place where they could take a minute and figure out what they were going to do. _

"_Hermione?" Ginny gasped "What is going on? Why are you out here?" _

"_Why did you follow me?" she rounded on her _

"_The boys were worried about you so I volunteered to go and find you. I saw you leave the great hall and enter the grounds, that's why I called out to you. Why were you running though Hermione? What is going on?"_

_She couldn't hold it into herself anymore "He killed them Gin." she said quietly _

"_He killed who? What are you talking about Hermione?"_

"_Malfoy," she spat his name "he is the one that killed my parents."_

_Ginny looked at her with sympathy in her eyes. "I am so sorry," she said pulling her into an embrace "but why were you out here? What was it that you were planning on doing?" _

"_I am going to kill him." she stated _

_Ginny looked at her, her eyes widening in fear. "Hermione, I am not sure." _

"_Look Ginny we don't have a lot of time. Somehow we have to figure out what we are going to do and how to get out of this mess. They had been so absorbed in the conversation that they didn't hear the door opening. They weren't aware that someone was in the room with them until they heard the familiar drawl. _

"_Well, well, what do we have here? If it isn't the Mudblood and the Weasel Queen."_


	8. When I am lost you are my light, you are...

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to post this last chapter- it went through about 3 drafts to make sure it was okay. It is longer than normal so I hope that makes up for the lack of update. As of right now this will be the last chapter, unless I decide to do an epilogue, but I really think the story ends itself here. Thank you for everyone who has reviewed. Your reviews have made my day- also to the DB crew, thanks for believing you are all awesome. Finally to my beta- thanks a ton for all of your help on this, it has really been wonderful. I will be posting a one-shot fluff piece next week so keep your eyes open.

Disclaimer: Though I do dream about owning something so wonderful, I dont.

Chapter 7: _When I am lost you are my light, you are the love that never dies_

_She didn't need to turn around to know who was there. The anger in Ginny's eyes confirmed her suspicion. He was there, the man responsible for the death of her parents, he was the one that tortured and murdered them. The rage that had consumed her on the grounds returned and readying her wand she turned around._

"_Malfoy." she said coolly making sure that she was positioned in front of Ginny._

"_Aw Granger lets dispel with niceties shall we?" he said barely able to contain his smirk "I was hoping that I would be the one that would find you. The Dark Lord will be so very pleased when I deliver you up to him." _

"_Some things never change do they? Still groveling to that man are you? Still living in his shadow? Can't fight your own battles can you Draco? Have to turn to daddy or to Voldemort whenever..."_

"_You dare to speak of the master that way mudblood? You dare to mention his name? You are more stupid then I thought." the fury raced through him and he started too advanced on her. _

_Raising her wand to hex him, she heard Ginny scream from behind her. Turning around to see what had happened she felt her heart sink. Two other Death Eaters held Ginny. Judging by their size she knew it had to be Crabbe and Goyle. There was no way out now it was only her against the three of them and they had Ginny. _

"_Nice to see you two can do something right." Malfoy drawled. Looking back to her he said "Where are Scar-head and Weasel to help you out this time Granger? It seems to me that you are all alone. Hand over your wand, unless you would like to see her die." _

_She looked towards the window it was dark now, Harry and Ron would be looking for them, she and Ginny had been gone for far too long. The boys wouldn't stick to the plan that had been laid out she knew them to well to think otherwise. They were going to make sure that the girls were alright, they cared more about them then they did defeating Voldemort. Desperately, as if trying to communicate with them, she thought- "Please don't come, please don't come. Do what you are here to do don't come after us." She looked at Ginny again her eyes begging Hermione not to give in but she couldn't give into her request. Looking defeated and weary she lowered her wand and handed it over to Malfoy._

"_Right decision," he said grabbing her arm and leading her out of the hut "let's go."_

She leaned against the tree shivering at the memory and she felt Ron's arm tentatively go around her. She felt instinctively to pull away but he didn't let her. Drawing her closer to him she began to relax slightly and leaned against him. She had forgotten how safe she felt when he was next to her. Looking up at him she knew she didn't want to finish the story, but he need to know. He needed to know everything now. She was tired of keeping secrets.

"You don't need to finish tonight. We can go up to the castle, go to bed and finish this another time." Ron told her pulling her closer.

"No Ron, I need to do this tonight. I need to make you understand."

"Mione, honestly I can tell that you don't want to talk about it so let's go up and see Albus and Minerva. Then we can finish tomorrow." Doubt entered his eyes at this moment, "You are still going to be here tomorrow right? You aren't leaving still, are you?"

"No," she shook her head "I am not running anymore, I promise." She placed her hand on his face and looked into his eyes amazed at intensity of emotion there. She had missed being this close to him. They had been walking on egg shells around each other lately. Their life had become a delicate balance of one word answers and trivial conversations, skirting around the issues that really mattered these past months.

Suddenly she became very aware of the position they were in and she turned away again feeling a sudden loss of the intimacy that they had just shared. Settling into his shoulder she tried to make him realize why she had made the decision to surrender to Malfoy.

"I know I shouldn't have given in to Malfoy without a fight. But I couldn't lose somebody else that I love. He had taken away my parents and now he threatened Ginny. I should have known that he would use us to get to you and Harry. I did what I thought was right but soon learned that I had made a very wrong decision."

_They were moving silently on the grounds now towards the Quidditch pitch. She had to come up with something quickly or she would be facing Him soon. Though all her bravado she really was terrified of him, what he could do to her, what he could do to her friends. She had to make sure that they never got there. _

_Garnering more confidence than she felt she spoke, "You know Draco; you never could do anything by yourself. You have always had to turn to someone else haven't you?"_

_He didn't even look at her as he responded, "If you knew what was good for you mudblood you would keep your mouth shut! It doesn't matter how much someone learns from books there are people that will always be stupid."_

"_At least I don't need to run to daddy each time I get into trouble."_

_She knew she had struck a cord with that comment as he tightened the grip on her arm and she could tell that he was getting angry. "Keep this up," she told herself "this is the only way you are going to get yourself and Ginny out of this mess." _

"_I am sure that is where you are taking us know." she began again "Right back to daddy. Can't handle this by yourself can you? Nope have to take us to someone who has more power. Someone who could actually handle this situation, don't you?"_

_She knew she was getting closer to breaking him, she could fill his anger as his grip continued to tighten. _

"_You know Granger; I had hoped I would be the one to find you. You always deserved to be put in your place and tonight you will be."_

"_But not by you, you could never do it on your own, couldn't in school either. You always had to have someone else do your dirty work or someone to hide behind. Just like tonight you have to hide behind daddy and Voldemort. You know Malfoy I've always known that you were a chicken but t is pathetic that you can't handle two defenseless witches on your own."_

_That did it; he swung her around so she was facing him and glared at her. _

"_I think I could do a thing or two." he said raising his wand_

_Without thinking of the consequences she attacked him. Her first punch landed right in the middle of his face and made him drop her arm. She was free of his grasp now, if she could just get to her wand. Malfoy had been caught off guard the first time she had hit him but was ready for her when she made her next move. In one swift movement he had his wand up and was pointing it at Ginny._

"_One move Granger and she is gone." _

_She looked at Ginny noticing her eyes gleaming with anger, yearning to do something but being restrained by Crabbe and Goyle. Quickly running out of ideas she assessed the situation. There really was no way out, not this time. Malfoy was right Ron and Harry weren't here to bail her out this time. If only she had her wand or- her mind worked quickly now going over every possible scenario. Was it possible? Could these three still really be that thick? She would have to risk it. Shaking her head in disappointment she looked at Ginny, sorrow showing in her eyes. "I'm sorry."_

"_That's right," he said moving towards her again "again I applaud you on your wise choice." _

_He was getting closer, just a few more feet, a little closer. "Go Ginny!" she yelled as she launched herself at Malfoy. _

_The fight was brief but intense. She and Malfoy had both been knocked to the ground and she did everything possible to release his grip on the wand. She was grateful for the lack of wits of his companions. Any sensible wizard would have stunned her by now. She had hoped though that they would come charging at her to protect their leader but instead they had just stood there holding Ginny, speechless. As she was struggling with Malfoy she could see Ginny struggling to get away finally stepping on feet to loosen their grip. Turning her attention back to her assailant she was able to wrestle the wand away from him and now held it to his neck. Instead of looking frightened he just smirked. _

"_Well, well Granger, Weasley must have taught you a thing or two. Too bad that the situation hasn't changed."_

"_What are you talking about Malfoy?" she asked through clenched teeth_

_His eyes flickered over to where Ginny and her two captors had stood. Hoping to find that Ginny had indeed escaped she looked over heart sinking as she realized that Ginny was still between Crabbe and Goyle. She wasn't standing anymore though she was lying on the ground holding her stomach trying to hold in the pain. She also noticed new bruises developing on her face. _

"_What they lack in magical talent and good sense they make up for in brute strength." Malfoy said grasping her wrist and throwing her off him. _

"_Gin?" she whispered tentatively crawling over to the place where she lay_

_Ginny looked at her and tried to smile a little. "Sorry," she whispered "I tried to get away but"_

"_Don't talk now okay?" she said wiping away the hair that was hanging in Ginny's eyes. "Don't worry. We'll be fine." _

_She had tried to muster up as much courage as she could in these words but took very little comfort in them herself. She didn't have any other plan now._

"_You don't have anyone around her to take care of you this time either Mudblood. There is no Potter to rescue this time not even Weasley- for as much good as he could ever do." Malfoy snickered "He was always quite pathetic when it came to magic. I am sure his parents will feel relieved after he is killed tonight, such a disgrace cut from the family tree."_

_Her fear again turned to anger as she heard what he said about Ron. She stood up making her way towards him. _

"_You despicable little ferret. Don't you ever speak about Ron like that again!" she said raising her arm to hit him._

"_So the mudblood has some feelings for that disgrace of a wizard? Who would have thought that even Weasley could sink this low?" _

_She was two feet in front of him when she heard him mutter "Crucio!" _

_Horrible pain racked her body. It felt like hours before the pain subsided and she was able to breathe again. She noticed she was on the ground once more. Ginny was looking at her the fear evident in her eyes. She made to stand up once more. _

"_Haven't learned your lesson yet have you?" she heard Malfoy ask before her body was again hit with the curse. The pain seemed more intense this time attacking every part of her body. When it finally lifted she lay on the ground panting. _

"_You know," Malfoy sneered "your muggle parents couldn't handle the pain either. By the end they were both begging that we take their lives."_

"_Liar!" she screamed trying to lift herself off the ground, when the curse hit her again. She wanted to succumb to the blackness that was threatening to envelop but fought against it. "Ron!" she yelled out in agony praying that he would arrive but knowing that he wouldn't. She was so tired now and it hurt so much she was ready to give up, to give into the pain. It was Ginny's cries that brought her out of the hazy state she was in. She could hear Ginny yelling her name over and over again. _

"_Don't give up Hermione." she heard "You have to fight it. Please fight it, for Ron, Hermione, for Ron."_

_Opening her eyes she saw Malfoy leaning over her. "Still think I can't do anything on my own Granger?" he asked_

_Not wanting to show that she was still in pain or that she had been defeated she replied back _

"_A few well placed spells, Malfoy. However if you haven't noticed, we are both still here."_

"_Yes you are." he said with somewhat of a disappointment. "I only need one of you though; I wonder what Weasley would think of you when he finds out that you killed his sister."_

_She was frightened now. What did he mean "you killed his sister"? She was not going to kill Ginny, and then a horrible thought struck her. He wouldn't though would he? "Why not?" she asked herself, he had already used one unforgivable curse tonight. What was stopping him from using another? The word rang out and it was the last thing she remembered before the darkness overtook her again._

_The feeling was new to her, it was as if she could see herself lying on the ground but she was unable to push herself up. Her mind echoed thoughts and words that were not her own. _

"_Stand up!" a voice told her and her body forced itself up. She saw Ginny terror now in her eyes. 'Run Ginny,' part of her tried to scream but the words wouldn't come. _

_She stood there motionless but trying to make her muscles respond to her own commands. "You have to fight this." she told herself "You can throw this off." her body was so weak though from the previous curse that she wasn't sure if she could fight it. She felt a wand placed in her hand and she looked down at it. It was her wand; she had her wand again if she could only..._

"_Kill her." the command came and she felt her arm rising and the words beginning to form in her mouth. "I am so sorry Ginny." she thought "Kill her" the thought came again. Her arm wasn't responding now and Ginny looked at her pleading._

"_Hermione please, please don't do this. You are strong; you can fight this I know you can." _

_Ginny's words were giving her strength but the thought echoed over and over "Kill her, kill her now. What are you waiting for?" She fought within herself and heard her voice starting "Avada..." she hesitated again. She did not want to do this. Tears were streaming down both her and Ginny's faces, leaving patterns where they washed away the dirt. _

"_You can do it Hermione." she heard Ginny say again_

"_Kill her." the words screamed in her mind. Again she heard herself start the curse "Avada..." fight she told herself fight, "I will not kill Ginny." she told herself "I will not hurt her, I will not." she repeated over and over in her mind. She desperately tried to gain the control she had almost mastered while in her fourth year defense classes. Finally the call came again. "Kill her." gathering all the strength she yelled out-_

"_No!" dropping her wand and collapsing to the ground again she realized she had won. She had beaten the curse. She felt Ginny's hand clasp around hers and the girl whisper into her ear. _

"_You did it. I knew you could do it."_

_Malfoy hovered over them and bent over to pick up the wand where she had dropped it. Cursing aloud he said,_

"_I knew I should have never entrusted you to do my work." he pulled the two girls apart and again pointed his wand at Ginny._

_She tried to pull herself in front of Ginny but was soon pushed down again by Crabbe and Goyle. She looked on helpless as she heard the curse begin again_

"_Avada..." _

_She shut her eyes not wanting to witness her friend's death. Malfoy was cut off though and she heard a voice she had hoped to never hear again._

"_Malfoy." the deep angry voice said "I thought I had told you not to harm either of them!"_

_She opened her eyes to see that Malfoy had dropped to his knees, head down._

"_I am sorry, Master." he said terror in his words "They were fighting me preparing to attack. I couldn't control them anymore. I thought that if..."_

"_Don't lie to me." the voice cut him off "I have been watching you for quite sometime. I know what occurred." _

_Malfoy begin whimper but stayed where he was at. Struggling to pull herself out of her captors grasp, she looked right in to the face of Voldemort. _

"I am going to kill him!" Ron said "I am going to find that..."

"Language Ron." she said without even thinking

"Language, bloody hell Mione. He tried to make you kill my sister! Don't tell me what I can and can't call him."

"Ron," she said with more authority this time. "We are both fine. Ginny is okay, I am okay." she looked up at him. Anger etched on his face, moving so that she was now in front of him she took hold of his hands and began rubbing them with her fingers.

"Once we realized that you two were gone me and Harry..." he said concentrating on their hands

"Harry and I, Ron." she corrected him quietly

"Hermione does it really matter?" he asked questioningly but one look told him that it did indeed matter

"Fine, Harry and I set straight off to Dumbledore's office to find out where you were. If only we had thought to bring the Maurder's Map with us we could have gotten to you quicker rather then spend hours trying to find you both."

"Ron, you need to calm down. I am not telling you this so that you will be angry; I am telling you this so you will understand. This happened five years ago Ron. Ginny and I made it out alive, you know that _you _came, _you_ saved us. The thought of you was what kept me going that night. I knew you would find us. I knew that you would come." she looked at him earnestly "Say something."

"Mione," he began "I am so sorry, I am so very sorry that you had to go through that. I should have been there. I should have been there for you."

"You came Ron. That is all that matters. You came." she said referring to more than that night.

He looked at her and removed his hands from hers. He took one finger and gently caressed her cheek "I am sorry I could not get there sooner love, I tried. I really tried." he whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her for the first time in several months.

She smiled as they broke apart but the smile quickly faded,

"There is more you need to know Ron, there was something else that happened that night. It is the one thing I regret the most."

_They were escorted into the middle of Voldemort's camp, paraded like animals for every Death Eater to see. Though she found it humiliating she held her head high and refused to give them the pleasure of seeing that she was petrified. Their entourage stopped at a tent in the center of the camp and left outside with four guards. She tried to talk to Ginny but was quickly cut off by one of the guards, who had positioned himself, in-between them so she couldn't even send her a reassuring glance. _

_Deciding to concentrate how to find a way out of her current predicament she tried to hear what was going on in the tent behind her. Voldemort, both Malfoy's and that LeStrange woman were in there, she could make out the voices talking but try as she might she could not hear what they were saying. What she wouldn't do for a pair of Fred and George's extendable ears right now. She wondered what time it was and how long they had been out here. If the boys kept to the plan the attack would take place a little before ten. If her guess was right it had to be close to eight now. Two hours they would know the fate of the wizarding world. She just hoped that she would live to see Harry come off triumphant._

_The tent flap pulled open jolting her out of her musings. Malfoy stood in front of her, the smirk that had disappeared after his encounter with his master had returned. She wanted to reach up and smack that smirk off his face but knew it would only make matters worse. She and Ginny had landed in the one place that she had tried to keep them out of. They needed every advantage that she could get right now and if one could be gained by restraining herself when it came to Malfoy- well then she would restrain herself- at least for now. _

"_Well, well Granger, as much as I have loved our time together it seems that it is to be cut short. I have some weasel hunting that I have to go and take care of." he chuckled as he moved off shouting over his back "Don't worry I'll give him your regards."_

_He made his way back out into the darkness. "Please be careful, Ron" she muttered to herself "please be careful." She wasn't given much time though to ponder his safety as the tent flap had been open slightly and she heard the voices again. This time she was able to make out what was being said._

"_We will be able to use the girl again for our own purposes tonight." said the cold high pitched voice she recognized immediately has Voldemort's. "They are both close to Potter but I have a feeling that she will be quite useful when we meet him tonight. Take her away I don't want anything to go wrong, understand. If I find that she has been harmed in away- the consequences will be grave."_

_Which one of them were they talking about? This was so frustrating for her. Harry and Ron were out there somewhere with Malfoy trying to find them. Moreover despite her best efforts she and Ginny were trapped her and there was nothing she could do about it. She never felt more helpless and now they were planning on separating the two of them. She couldn't let that happen, she had failed in everything else tonight she was not going to be separated from Ginny._

"_Very well master," came a voice in response "and the mudblood? What should we do with her?"_

_She leaned her head in closer at least she knew which one of them they were planning on using to hurt Harry, she wondered how they knew that Ginny would be the best choice for that fate. No one realized that Harry had feelings for her did they? He had never even told Ron, she was the one that had to tell him. He had been so mad ranting on and on how Harry wasn't good enough for Ginny and the various things he was going to do to Harry. She finally had to ask him who else he thought was good enough for his sister. Grudgingly he admitted that if she had to be with someone it might as well be Harry. She smiled at the memory and then scolded herself. "Concentrate; there is not time to be thinking about Ron or anything else. You have to concentrate on what they are saying."_

_She realized she had missed something important during those brief seconds, Voldemort was talking again but she didn't understand what he was referring to. _

"_She will serve a purpose too here tonight. Your son has told us of her attachment to the other boy and we will make sure that is used to the best advantage tonight."_

_What did they mean the best advantage? What could they use her for? Yes she was a friend to Harry they knew that but they were using Ginny for that purpose. She heard the voices again and strained to catch what they were saying. _

"_What about Dumbledore?" a voice she recognized as Lucius Malfoy asked _

"_He will not dare harm us as long as we have these girls." came the reply "They are his weakness, they are Potter's weakness. As long as we have them they will do anything to make sure harm does not come to them."_

_This was too much for her she had to think of a way out. There had to be something she could do in order to keep everyone safe. Why had she run out there like a banshee tonight? If she had just stayed in control of her emotions they wouldn't be here right now. She knew that they were right; as long they were captive Voldemort had the advantage. Harry would never do anything that would harm Ginny or herself._

_There was movement in the tent now and she could tell they were moving towards the flap. She backed away slightly to make it appear that she had not been near enough to hear them. Glancing towards the place were she knew Ginny was she tried to think of ways to keep them together but was worried that she wouldn't succeed. _

"They separated us at that point Ron." she said "I couldn't think of any way to keep us together. They just took her. I tried, I really did and as much as I didn't want you and Harry coming after us part of me just wanted you there. To tell me it was going to be okay." He squeezed her hand reassuringly and she continued on.

"Lucius and Voldemort took me inside the tent with them. While LeStrange took Ginny off, I knew Voldemort had said she was not to be harmed but I was still so worried about her. I was worried about you too- I knew that they sent Malfoy out to find you; I think they were planning on getting all three of us together and using us against Harry. I don't know how but I am pretty sure that was the plan."

"Dumbledore wouldn't let Harry go after you two. I had never seen Harry so angry going on about you and Ginny missing and gone and how Dumbledore didn't care what happened to you as long as 'famous Harry Potter' was safe. Dumbledore finally relented letting me go as long as Lupin came with me; I guess that way even if I was captured Harry was still there to complete the job that he had to do. Ran into some trouble though along the way though."

"I know Ron-" she whispered

He looked at her confused, "Mione, how did you know?"

"I saw it all."

_The tent was much like the one she had stayed in at the World Cup but instead of the homey feeling she had experienced from that tent this one held a darkness that suffocated her. She looked around and noticed the different items that were around, there were maps of the castle and one looking very much like a map of the grounds. She gasped as she studied it more closely. There were dots moving around and each was labeled._

"_Yes Pettigrew did have some remarkable ideas." Voldemort said noticing where her gaze had landed. "He told me of the map that his friends had created during their time at school and I have found it to be a very valuable resource."_

_She looked at the map again studying the detailed map of the grounds. So that is how they knew where to find herself and Ginny tonight. It was all clear now. Voldemort had been expecting them from the moment they entered Hogsmede. Her eyes were drawn to two persons exited the castle they were labeled Remus Lupin and Ronald Weasley. She groaned inwardly and then noticed Harry was not with them. She looked up on the map of the school and saw Harry pacing in Dumbledore's office, Dumbledore and McGonagall sharing the room with him._

"_As you can see, Miss Granger," he sneered at her name "my plan is coming together nicely. I know Potter will not stay when he realizes that you all are in trouble. He will come rushing out to play the hero to save you; he always has played the hero hasn't he? Stupid boy, just like his parents, ready to give his own life for someone's that he loves."_

_She had to warn Harry somehow that this was all a trap, but how did she do it? Her thought was broken however by Lucius sneering at the map. _

"_Stupid boy, it's only a Weasley. It cannot be that hard to defeat him."_

_She swung around and looked; a figure labeled Draco Malfoy had joined the figures that carried Ron and Lupin's names. She looked at them and wished words appeared so she could know what was going on. She saw the figure labeled Ron run over and throw himself on top of Malfoy, she smiled that was her Ron, when in doubt punch something. With in a few minutes it was all over. The figure of Malfoy stayed very still while Ron's and Lupin's moved on. She turned around to face them a triumphant look on her face, they would not win tonight. As long as Harry and Ron were still out there it was going to be okay. She had to destroy these maps though, some how she had to get rid of them. Harry would be leaving the castle soon and they couldn't know that._

"_Something funny Mudblood?" Lucius spat_

_Voldemort simply stood staring at her, the feeling of elation she had moments before quickly disappeared as he began to speak. _

"_Bring the other girl here to me." he demanded_

_Lucius jumped up immediately to go and get Ginny. They were alone now and she was terrified, this man could kill her in a matter of seconds, the only reason she was still alive was that he needed her to distract Harry. He looked at her appraisingly as if judging an animal,_

"_It's a pity that you are muggle born." he said "You really could have been great in Slytherin you know that don't you. You have so much talent it will be a pity to lose you but a sacrifice I am willing to make. It is one I have had to make before." she quickly thought back and wondered what he could be talking about and then she realized, Harry's mother. _

_She remembered Harry talking about the memories he had when the dementors were around. He had said that Voldemort had told his mother to step aside instead of killing her on the spot. Why had he seemed willing to spare her life? Had it just been a cruel joke to make her realize her husband and son were dead and she would be left to deal with the grief and pain. She would not let that happen again. She was willing to sacrifice anything, just like Lily Potter had, to make sure this man was defeated. _

_The tent door opened and Ginny was thrust into the room. She looked at her and felt a huge relief. They were together again. Voldemort turned to look at them and muttered something, she could tell that he was talking but couldn't make out all the words- then it became clear to her what he was doing. _

"_I know you can hear me Potter, I know you can see everything that I am currently seeing. No use in trying to block me out now, this is all real. Don't fight me on this Harry, you'll want to see what I have here, it might be something of importance to you."_

_Voldemort had established a connection with Harry, he had done it several times since their fifth year and though Harry had become very good at blocking the visions he didn't always do it. He had told her even since they were fifteen that it was always good to know what Voldemort had planned, but he had been mislead by the visions more than once. She knew she had to stop Harry from doing something rash; she had to let him know that they were alright- _

"_Harry!" she screamed out, not knowing if he would be able to hear her or not "don't come Harry, don't you dare come." _

_Ginny had joined her protesting now and they two of them sat there yelling she was surprised when Voldemort began to laugh, the laughter stopped her calls abruptly and he said aloud,_

"_For some reason Harry the women in your life are always willing to sacrifice themselves for you. I would have thought that were too proud to let women defend you- to die for you." with a nod to Lucius he moved so both girls were directly in his eye sight. She looked around, he wanted Harry to see something but what was it? Her eyes found Lucius and noticed his wand was now pointing at Ginny. Without think she made her way towards Ginny and pushed her out of the way taking the curse that was meant for her._

_For the fourth time that night her body was racked with horrible pain, she could hear Voldemort laughing and saying- "See Harry, even the mudblood knows that her life is nothing next to a pureblood wizard." then she heard a scream that was not her own. Ginny had rushed Voldemort knocking him to the ground breaking the connection to Harry. Lucius had rushed over to help his master and the pain began to ebb from her body. She knew that she could not survive another curse, and was sure that one was bound to come in seconds. Instead of a curse though she felt Ginny's hands go around her shoulders._

"_You silly girl." Voldemort screamed "You silly girl." _

_He raised his wand ready to kill one if not both of them when Lucius called out to him- _

"_Master- he is coming." _

_She swung around and saw the figure named Harry Potter rush on to the grounds- "No Harry!" she thought. After everything they had worked for he was still going get himself killed. Didn't he know that he was playing right into Voldemort's hands? She had to destroy those maps, but how? They were not going to give her a wand, nor were they going to allow her to set them on fire. _

"_Well, well mudblood I think it is time for a choice." she looked up at him confused "There are currently two people here on the way to save you."_

_She looked at him terror in her eyes now knowing what he was going to say but dreading it as well "Both have been your friends" he spat out the word "for many years now and I have been notified by Draco that Weasley is someone that you now hold feelings for other than friendship. So I give you your choice of which one will join you here to face me and which one will die before he arrives."_

_She felt the blood drain from her face and her stomach sink. She had not been ready for this, how was she supposed to choose between Ron and Harry? Harry was her brother and Ron was, well, Ron was the reason she got up every morning. She could not choose between them, her world would end if one of them were gone. The events of last night tumbled through her mind and now she understood what Ron had meant when he said it would be easier not let someone know your feelings- it was so much easier to get hurt now. Maybe there was a way out of this, maybe she could just- _

"_And if I refuse?" she asked trying to make her voice show the courage and defiance she wished she had. _

"_Then I will simply kill them both now." he replied as if he was playing a game where lives were not involved. _

_She knew what she had to do, she knew what she had to do from the moment that he had presented her with her options but it was killing her inside. She looked at Ginny and found the girl staring with sympathy at her. "I am sorry Gin;" she said tears now forming in her eyes "I am so sorry."_

"_Well girl who will it be? Which one do I kill now?"_

_She looked at him and whispered one word, tears rolling down her face- "Ron."_

She could feel his body tense as she told him her decision and she immediately regretted it. "You shouldn't have told him you never should have told him." she said to herself but he had to understand what had happened that night. She waited for him to speak but knew that he wouldn't,

"I am so sorry Ron. I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was the stupid prophecy and I knew that it had to be Harry that faced him. Voldemort knew that too, he just wanted to make sure that I suffered knowing that I had ordered your death. I am so very sorry." she said dissolving into tears.

She felt him move under her and get up; she looked up and saw he was staring across the lake. Before she could say anything he spoke,

"So I guess I understand why you never said anything about that night," his voice dangerously quiet

Her heart sank; she was just getting him back and then this. Why had she been so stupid to tell him?

"Ron," she sighed through her tears "there wasn't an option you know that. I wish I hadn't had to make that choice, I am still amazed to this day that everything worked out the way it did. I wanted to choose Harry to die that night, and I still feel guilty about that. For one second I was willing to put my own personal happiness above the rest of the world. Then I knew that it wasn't possible. I am so sorry."

She choked off the last words and waited for the blow of temper that would come; she was shocked though to feel his arms around her and his voice whispering the comforting words she longed to hear but hadn't believed possible,

"It's alright Mione; I would have made the same choice that night. It made sense; it was the right choice, love."

She looked at him in shock waiting for his anger to set in. "I just don't know why you didn't tell me sooner that's what hurts you know. That you would think so little of me that I wouldn't understand. We all made decisions that time that we wished we hadn't we were all forced to sacrifice what we didn't want to- you didn't do anything wrong. Do you understand that? You did nothing wrong, please don't think that you did - it was an impossible choice and you made it. We are just lucky that Voldemort sent another Malfoy after me, aren't we?

She laughed at that, Voldemort had sent Lucius out to find Ron and 'dispose of him'. Ron however with the help of Lupin had been able to escape.

"Voldemort had gone to face Harry and had left Ginny and I in the tent alone, guards posted outside. The first thing I did was ripped those stupid maps to pieces though I knew the damaged had been done, he knew Harry was coming, he knew where you were but," she paused "I didn't want to see you die."

_She finished ripping the last of the map before she dissolved into tears. Ginny placed an arm her and let her cry into her shoulder. _

"_I am so sorry Gin." was all that she could mutter over and over again_

_They heard that tent flap open and both looked up, astonished to see Draco enter the tent. His usually sleek hair every direction and sporting a black eye and a bleeding lip. He sneered at them- but before he could say anything Ginny cut him off- _

"_Well, well Malfoy. Looks like my brother got the best of you didn't he? You didn't make the mistake of saying something about Hermione did you? I would have thought you had learned by now." she said shaking her head_

"_I wouldn't be so proud if I were you Weasley. I am sure by now my father has taken care of your dear brother and in a few moments you will be joining him and Potter."_

_She looked at him, hatred in her eyes. He was the whole reason they were here. She rushed at him not caring what she hit or what consequences it brought. What did it matter now? They had already taken away everything from her what did it matter if she died now too. He moved out of her way and she fell onto the floor, his laughter only made her angrier. _

_She noticed that Ginny had stood up and was circling behind him ready to pounce when they heard a commotion outside. Spells were being flung left and right and she realized Harry and the members of the order must have arrived. Malfoy began frantically searching for something and then noticed the shreds of paper on the ground. He looked at her anger in his eyes- "You are going to pay for that mudblood!" he said raising his wand-_

_"Expelliarmus," she heard a voice yell and Malfoy was blown across the tent. She looked around wondering who had said that and where they were. Hearing the voice again she gasped. _

"_Malfoy," the voice from the opening "how many times do I have to tell you not to call her that?"_

_She looked up and stared in disbelief, "Ron?" she chocked out. She didn't believe her eyes; Ron was standing there his wand trained on Malfoy. Lupin standing beside him, it couldn't be him though, he had died Lucius Malfoy had gone to kill him. He's not really here she told herself. I am imagining all of this but she looked up and knew that it was him. _

_His face was full of rage but his eyes softened for a moment when he saw her. But they quickly flooded with anger again when he really looked at her, as if he was accounting for every new bruise. "What he do to you Mione?" he asked his voice cold_

_"Ron," she started but found she couldn't move as fast as she wanted "I'm fine really I am see." and to prove her point she tried walking to him pain in every step. She had almost made it when her knees gave out and the only thing that kept her falling this time was Ron's arm catching her around the waste._

_Turning back to Malfoy his glare turned murderous, "Give me one reason Malfoy. Give me one reason that I shouldn't kill you right now."_

"_Ron, leave him, he can go to Azkaban, it is what he deserves. Let him go and rot there with his father Ron."_

_"Not this time," he said "this time he needs to pay for what he has done."_

_Emotions were flooding through her; she wanted nothing more to see Malfoy pay for every pain he had caused her, for the death of her parents, for what he had done to her tonight. There was something in her though that was holding her back; she didn't want to see Ron kill. As much as he hated him Ron would have so much guilt over this and she didn't want him to become a murder just for her._

_"No Ron," she said more forcibly this time taking his wand hand and lowering it. "He can go to Azkaban."_

_He looked at her and nodded; Lupin quickly disarmed and bound him. Malfoy looked up at them _

"_You are going to regret this Weasley you and your little mudblood girlfriend are going to..."_

"_Oh shut up." she yelled and grabbing Ron's wand she put a full body bind spell on him_

"_But how?" she said asked, reaching up to touch his face as if trying to make herself believe he was truly there. "Well we ran into so trouble with Lucius back there but nothing that we couldn't handle." he said_

"_Ron," Lupin called from the flap "we have to get out to Harry."_

_He turned to her and kissed her on the forehead "Ready love?" he asked and together they walked out into the battle._

Silence enveloped them now as they both thought about that last fight with Harry. It had taken all three of them to defeat Voldemort, she had been hit with the Cruciatus again in the final minutes of the battle and this time she had blacked out with the pain. She awoke three days later at Grimmauld Place with Ron sitting at her side looking like he had not slept properly in days.

As if reading her mind Ron broke the silence, "You had no idea how worried I was after that, Ginny had told us that you had been hit with the Cruciatus meant for her but she never told us about the others. Harry was a wreck pacing back and forth muttering on how his best friend was going to die and it was all his fault, Remus finally made him leave the room and suggested that I go with him. I couldn't leave though, I kept thinking what would happen if I did and you woke up and I wasn't there, I would have never forgiven myself. I was so worried Mione I really thought we were going to lose you." he pulled her closer when he said that "Ginny wouldn't tell us anything that happened, just the basics that we already knew and Malfoy wasn't talking. I just wish Gin would have told us everything before you woke up so we would have known."

"Ron, I didn't want to tell you about that night honestly, I was trying to forget it myself. I really tried to tell myself that it didn't happen that I had imagined it all and during the day it was easy, but then the nightmares would come." she shuttered looking up into his face, "You have been what has gotten me through it has been your love and your strength that has pulled me each day. I remember the day that I woke up and say you sitting there I told myself that I was going to show you just how much you meant to me. I am sorry I have not done that these past months. I am sorry I pushed you away, I am sorry for everything..." she was cut off as he pulled her into a kiss.

He chuckled a little as they broke apart, "It's good to know some things will never change." he said grinning widely

"What is so funny Ronald?" she asked an authoritative tone in her voice but he just continued to laugh "Ronald Billus Weasley if you don't tell me right now what you are laughing about..." but again she was cut off as his lips captured hers.

"Merlin, I have missed that," she whispered

"Me too," he said pulling her up "Hermione, those days after the battle when you wouldn't wake up were some of the worse in my life, I never thought I could have been more scared than at that moment but tonight when I went home and you weren't there, I- I didn't know, I thought I had really lost you this time."

"I'm so sorry Ron. You will never know how sorry I am about the letter and for what I said to you tonight. Thank you though Ron, thank you for loving me enough to come after me."

She kissed him tenderly once more and then took his hand. They walked in companionable silence through the Hogwarts grounds until the reached the castle, Ron began to move towards Hogsmede but stopped when she did not follow them.

"I promised Professor Dumbledore that I would stop in and visit after I was done here no matter what the time." she said looking at him

"Mione, it is after two in the morning, I doubt that he is up and honestly even if he is don't you want to come with me?" he said smirking running his finger down her arms.

"Ron!" she said trying to sound shocked but not succeeding in suppressing a giggle-

"Come on, Mione. It will only take us a few seconds to apparate home and then..."

"Ron how many times do I have to tell you- honestly you think after fifteen years of telling you this you might actually remember. You cannot apparate,"

"Inside the grounds of Hogwarts." he finished for her and kissed her again. The kiss begin to deepen as they ached to show each other how they truly felt.

"Well, well, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley," a jovial voice broke them apart "I am glad to see that you are both unharmed, Minerva and I were getting quite worried."

They jumped apart and the appearance of their former headmaster and teacher. Ron began to blush as if he were 16 again. The look on his face caused her to laugh and she was soon joined by Ron and both professors.

"I think," Dumbledore started "that we should hold any conversation until tomorrow morning. I would also like for you two to stay the evening here with us so that a return journey tomorrow will not be necessary."

They smiled as Dumbledore lead them to their sleeping chambers for the evening and wished them pleasant dreams. Entering the room they saw that pajamas and dressing gowns had already been laid out for the both of them and bed had been turned down. She looked around the room and then turned to Ron,

"How did he know we would come back here and that we would be together in the first place?" she questioned.

Grabbing the clothes of the bed and beginning to change he replied "Honestly I don't know I gave up trying to figure that man out ages ago."

Things seemed so normal now, more so then they had been since their son's death. She didn't want to move in fear that she would wake up from the dream she was experiencing. He seemed to notice something was wrong and made his way over to her. Wrapping his arms around her he just held her knowing that she didn't want to talk. Finally she broke the silence and turned to him,

"Will you stay and hold me tonight? I need you, I need you to be there when I wake up, I just want you to hold me."

Gently taking her hand he led her toward the bed.

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It was the sunlight that woke her first she was surprised how bright it was outside. Usually she couldn't sleep past seven but then again she hadn't gone to sleep until three. She replayed the events in her mind from the previous night and sent a silent prayer heavenward that he had come after her. They still had a long road to go down but at least they would be together.

She looked around the room and noticed for the first time that he was not there with her. Where had he gone? He didn't have to work today and he wouldn't have gone to the Burrow without her would he? Fully awake now she bounded out of bed and ran into Ron as he was walking back into the room.

"Whoa, beautiful. Where are you going in such a hurry?" he said catching her in his arms.

"I thought you had left me. I didn't know where you had gone." she said in a small voice.

"Mione," sighed sitting her on the side of the bed and putting a comforting arm around her "how many times do we have to have this discussion. I am not leaving you- ever. You can't get rid of me that easily. I went to go and talk with Dumbledore and didn't want to disturb you, he sends his regards and wanted us to meet him for lunch." kissing the top of her nose he stood up.

"Unfortunately though duty calls, my sister and our best friend are getting married tomorrow. I am sure by now the entire Weasley clan is in a panic because we have disappeared. Now as much as I might want to stay here for two or three weeks shut away with only you we really do have to get back." he stood up but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back on the bed with her.

"But do we have to? I kinda like having just the two of us around and not having to worry about if one of Bill's kids is ruining the flower arrangements. Can't we just drop them a note and tell them that we aren't going to be there until tomorrow." she asked.

He just stared at her then put out his arm. "Pinch me." he said

She looked at him not understanding "Pinch me" he repeated. She did as she was asked and saw a smile spread across his face. "I was just making sure that was not a dream. I never thought I would like to see the day Hermione Weasley wanted to skip out on responsibility."

"Maybe your bad influence has finally caught up to me Mr. Weasley."

"Maybe it has love, maybe it has."


End file.
